Hungry Ghost by Victoria Ying

Hungry Ghost is a touching graphic novel about one girl's journey out of an eating disorder, towards self-acceptance, self-love and healing. 

For as long as Valerie Chu can remember, her mother has watched what she eats. She remembers the birthday party where she first met Jordan, her best friend and where she was told to taste and not eat. Valerie has always wanted to be "gwai" or good or obedient.

But at school, although Val gets  good marks, she forces herself to throw up in the school washroom. To Val, it's something she has to do to be pretty. Val's mother reaffirms this belief when she remarks how fat her friend is when she sees Val walking home with Jordan. Val finds it comforting to "get rid" of the food she eats at family dinners. She also spends a lot of time online looking at other people's bodies and comparing them to hers.

When Val, Jordan and their friend Allan hang out together, Val tells them that her father is planning a trip to Base Camp 1 at Mount Everest. During this time with her friends, Val finds herself wishing that she and Allan were together. When they order burgers at the Fender Bender, Val is glad she purged earlier in the night, after dinner at home. But the time with her friends is stressful for Val who believes that in order to be liked by boys she has to be thin

Lunar New Year celebrations turn out to be very challenging for Val, with extended family visiting to celebrate. Val gets mixed messages: Auntie Shelby warns her not to get fat, while Auntie Nikki tells her she's beautiful. Val struggles with her need to purge after eating. When her mother serves pig trotters and dumplings, Val is conflicted over whether she should eat.

At a family meeting prior to his trip to Everest, Val's father briefs them on what to do if he doesn't survive. This is something he does frequently, as he loves to embark on challenging adventures.

As her father embarks on his trip, Val along with Jordan and their classmates travel to Paris, France. It's her first trip away from home, with friends and with a boy - Allan whom she is crushing on. For Val, Paris is the most romantic city in the world, and who knows what will happen between her and Allan? At dinner, Mrs. Owens encourages the students to order in French but Val notices the menu has lots of carbs and wonders how the French women stay so thin. Jordan doesn't care and Allan never noticed.

Dinner creates more stress as Val can't use a bathroom right away to purge. Eventually she becomes so distraught over eating dinner that even a moment alone with Allan in the art museum can't stop her from rushing to the bathroom to purge. Sensing Val is distressed about something, Jordan takes her on a impromptu exploration of the city, looking at fashion and eating delicious crepes. But when Val posts a picture of herself eating the crepe on Instagram, her mother responds critically.

Val's Paris trip is cut short when she is awoken during the night to learn that her father's plane on the way to Everest has crashed. She returns home to San Jose to find her mother unable to cope and mostly sleeping. However, after the funeral Val's mother continues to monitor her eating and calories. 

But coping with her father's death and her mother's control are not all Val must contend with. When she learns that her friend Allan has chosen Jordan over her, Val is forced to confront her own feelings about her body and how she views others. She must also decide whether she is going to live life on her own terms or those her of her mother.

Discussion

Hungry Ghost was written by Victoria Ying, a young writer who herself has struggled with an eating disorder and now considers herself fully recovered. In her Afterword, Ying writes, 

"When you have an eating disorder, all you can think about is food. First in the eating of it, and then in the guilt around having eaten it. It's an exhausting state of being.
I freed myself by letting go of any expectation for my body to fit the cultural ideal. I chose to be free, and I've never been happier."

In Hungry Ghost, Valerie, believes that being thin will make her happy. This is something she has learned from her mother who often makes comments about Val's friend, Jordan who has a full figure. Val thinks, "Poor Jordan. She's my favorite person in the whole world, but a football player wouldn't look at her twice." 

For Val, looking pretty takes work...and pain and sacrifice. Keeping herself thin is equated with "being good". She does this by eating and then purging, an eating disorder known as bulimia. Val can appear to eat normally but purges afterwards, so she looks normal to her friends and family. She describes it as making her feel "warm, comforted." Her purging allows Val to hide her eating disorder and blend in. 

While Val's mother treats her as though she doesn't think about what she's eating, in fact, it becomes apparent that this is all Val is thinking about. Her brief time in Paris sees her quickly notice the bodies of the French women there,  in contrast to her classmates who are busy enjoying the sights and sounds of Paris. After eating, Val becomes consumed with the task of finding a washroom to purge the calories she just consumed. However, at the same time, Val is beginning to notice that her friend Jordan, is a very happy person despite having a different body shape -despite being what her mother labels as "fat". For the first time Val asks herself, "Why am I so afraid? Maybe it doesn't take being thin to be....happy."

Her father's death forces Val to re-evaluate her own life. Val's father lived life on his own terms without any regrets. However, Val feels like she's "lived like a prisoner to my body." She believes her father would be disappointed in her. She wonders "Will people care that much about my body when I die? Am I my body?...How can this thing, this thing that I hate -- how could anyone care about it that much?"

The crisis point comes when Jordan visits Val after returning home from the Paris trip and reveals that she and Allan kissed at the top of the Eiffel Tower. Shocked, Val asks Jordan why Allan would choose her, since she is not pretty and she's fat. Jordan can't believe that her best friend sees her as "fat and ugly" and she leaves. Later on, at dinner in a hotel, Val admits to her mother that she purges but the only thing that matter sto her mother is that Val is thin. At this point though, Val has made huge strides because she has admitted to her mother that she is sick.

It is Val's Aunt Nikki who helps set her on the path to recovery. She explains that although Val's mother loves her in the best way she knows how, it might  not be enough. Aunt Nikki advises that Val will have to find her own way to be happy. To that end, Val apologizes to Jordan and courageously reveals her illness to her best friend. This is a wonderful act of courage, as those with eating disorders often experience profound guilt and shame. Val tells Jordan that she believed that a person has to be thin to be happy but now realizes that she was self-centered and understands that being happy with who you are is the best way. With counselling and the decision to attend the school she wants instead of staying home with her mother, Val begins to heal and to have some self-acceptance. It is her choice to get better.

Ying has written a truly touching and deeply emotional story that promises to encourage those who are struggling with an eating disorder - and to offer them the hope that healing is possible. Although the novel makes it sound like a few counselling sessions and some deep thinking can cure an eating disorder, Hungry Ghost does get across the important message that first steps include acknowledging their illness,  and making the decision to seek help - sometimes referred to as taking ownership of their illness.  Val did all of this and although we don't know the end of the story, the novel does end on a very positive and hopeful tone.

Congratulations to Victoria Ying for writing such a difficult story. She too reflects the courage and determination of her character Valerie Chu. 

Book Details:

Hungry Ghost by Victoria Ying
New York: First Second    2023

200 pp.