In Limbo by Deb JJ Lee

In Limbo is touching memoir about growing up caught between two cultures, 

Deborah (Jung-Jin) Lee believes that she can look like those around her. As she gets ready for the first day of high school, her struggle to put on eyeliner simply highlights how different she looks compared to everyone else.

Thankfully, Deb has her friend Kate Pearson to walk with into high school on the first day. In her Honors Physics class, the teacher can't pronounce her Korean name, Jung-Jin. It's the same in other classes as well.

Elementary school orchestra was always Deb's safe space, where she fit in. But in high school she finds her hopes dashed when she's told that she will have to earn a spot in first violin. The conductor, Ms. V. also adds to the stress by stating she has high expectations for her.

Deb arrives home to see that her mom has SAT books - a test Deb won't take for another three years. Her mother states that Deb needs to show she's one of the smart kids and then reminds her to practice her violin since her teacher, Harry has called. However, Deb finds that her interest in violin is waning.

While Deb's friend Quinn continues to excel in Honors Physics and begins taking Korean lessons, she struggles in class and in orchestra. The pressure continues at home from her mother who reveals that she's discovered Deb is "doodling" instead of practicing violin. When Deb's father suggests she quit violin, this frightens Deb because she would lose all her friends.

During her sophomore year, Deb is sent to art classes in New York City on Saturdays, instead of taking Korean class. Her mother also asks her to consider the possibility of double eyelid surgery at the end of high school, something she did and is very popular in South Korea.

But as Deb continues through high school, her struggles with mental health issues only become more intense. This leads to fights with her mother, an second suicide attempt and a breakdown in her friendship with Quinn.  It is only as Deb matures and with the help of therapy that she begins to build up the supports she needs and to move towards healing and self-forgiveness. 

Discussion

In Limbo is a graphic novel memoir which explores the author's struggles during her teen years with mental health issues, with parental expectations within the Asian diaspora and with teen relationships. Deb Lee came to America as a young girl, from Seoul, South Korea, with her parents and her brother, first living in Alabama and then moving to Summit, New Jersey. From the very beginning, Deb struggled to fit in, both at school and in her own Korean community. She was sensitive to the differences between herself and others. While her parents definitely cared for her, Deb's mother was often emotionally and even physically abusive. 

One of the main struggles Deb portrays in her memoir, is the immense pressure she encountered from her parents and even the Korean-American community to excel. As is typical for many Asian children, she studied violin and was enrolled in high level courses in high school, neither of which she enjoyed. When she did well but not up to her parent's standards, Deb was accused of  not trying and her mother accused Deb of shaming her. Her mother eventually learned that Deb enjoyed drawing and enrolled her in art classes in New York City. However, this was done in a somewhat passive-aggressive manner, with her telling Deb "It's a mother's duty." to help her with her passion. The only person who seems supportive of Deb pursuing her passion of art is her violin teacher, Harry.

Even outside of school, the pressure to excel seems to be everywhere. For example, during a trip to the dentist, Deb encounters the assumption that she is taking honors or AP classes and that she is getting  "As" in every subject. Her dentist's daughter has skipped another grade and may be accepted at Yale and will be playing at Carnegie Hall. Upon learning this, Deb's mother makes her disappointment clearly known to her daughter.

In her relationships with her peers, Deb also struggles, even to maintain the friendships she has. Her two best friends are Kate and Quinn but her relationship with Quinn breaks down when Deb blames her for her suicide attempt. At this point in her life, Deb sees herself as a victim and doesn't really take responsibility for her own choices. Ultimately, it is therapy that helps Deb build the supports she needs, and to work on self-forgiveness, growing in maturity and acceptance, and acknowledging her own mistakes. Deb's memoir demonstrates her remarkable resilience to keep going and to eventually come to find her place. It is a journey that has had many ups and downs.

In her Author's Note at the back, Deb Lee notes that she began working on this memoir in 2018 and that it went through many edits. Despite this, she was able to focus on the messages she wanted to get across to her readers with her memoir. She notes that life is now good and that although her mental health issues may always be present, with therapy she has learned to manage them in a more healthy manner. While Lee has managed to maintain her friendship with Kate, her relationship with her parents remains distant. It is wonderful to read that Lee acknowledges that "they truly have done the best they can, even with the stressful circumstances of immigrating to the States with a toddler and a 10-month-old in their arms." and that they supported her work as an independent illustrator.  Although Lee doesn't really focus on the racism she (and likely her family) experienced in America, this was probably a significant factor in her growing-up experience. 

In Limbo tells Deb's story through the beautiful illustrations which were created using an iPad and iPhone using Procreate, Adobe Photoshop and photos taken by a Canon DSLR and Photobooth. The cover is simply beautiful; the rich colours drawing the reader in.

Book Details:

In Limbo by Deb JJ Lee
New York: First Second     2023
340 pp.