Sage lives with her dad in Harlem, but visits her mom every other weekend. She's been doing this since sixth grade when her parents divorced. Her brother Spencer, lives on campus at Howard University, and spends his summers studying abroad, so he's never really home.
Sage wasn't with her friend when she was hit by a speeding car as she was walking to Sage's house. They were going to spend the day together. Initially her friend wanted to spend time
Sage attends a grief group that includes Ebony whose dad died from a heart attack, Zay who lost her grandmother, Ana whose twin sister died from leukemia and DD whose brother was murdered by police during a traffic stop. Sage struggles in the grief group because she feels Ana and Zay don't understand what she feels: they got to say good-bye while she did not. She feels lonely, sad and guilty. Ms. Carver, who runs the group has given everyone in the group a journal to write down any questions they have so their mind can be free to think about other things.
On Saturday, Sage's Aunt Ini visits from Brooklyn. Sage and her best friend often spent time with her aunt. She forces Sage to get out of bed and takes her to Harlem Meer, where they go to Chelsea Market to look at jewelry and taste samples. Aunt Ini tells Sage she will miss her friend every day of her life but that these memories will comfort her.
Sage continues to go to school and attend grief group, joining the Fly Girl program. Along the way, she finds comfort, acceptance, and an understanding of the tragedy that has touched her life.
Discussion
All The Blues in the Sky is a novel, written in free verse, that explores the guilt that loved ones sometimes experience with the death of a family member or friend as well as grief and the pain of loss. The novel is narrated by thirteen-year-old Sage, whose best friend, unnamed until the end of the novel, was killed by a drunk driver while walking to Sage's home for her birthday party.
To help her deal with what has happened Sage attends a grief group at her school that is led by Ms. Carver. However, initially Sage isn't very keen on the group because she believes that some of the girls attending do not understand the grief and guilt she is feeling and so she holds back. Ms. Carver explains how grief can bring about guilt "...guilty for surviving, for still being here, enjoying life after your loved one is gone. Guilt about laughing and having good days..."
After the others in the grief group admit to what makes them have feelings of guilt, Sage expresses why she has feelings of guilt: she believes she is responsible for her friend's death. Her best friend wanted to go to a skate party on Sage's birthday but Sage was insistent they spend the entire day together, turning down her friend's offer to attend the skate party with her. And so this led her friend to be in the street, on her way to Sage's house, when she was hit by the drunk driver. "And if I had said something different, something not Birthday Girl selfish, she wouldn't have been walking from her house to my house at 11:15a.m....She wouldn't have been crossing the street when a drunk driver sped through the streets of Harlem..." Not only that but when her friend didn't show up, Sage assumed the worst of her friend, that she had lied to her, and gone to the skate party. And so she sent her angry texts.
In reflecting on what happened Sage admits to herself that the reason she didn't want to attend the skate party was because she was afraid her friend was beginning to like her coding friends better and that she was afraid of both of them making new friends. The fact that Sage can finally admit this to herself is a first big step towards her beginning to process what happened and heal.
Sage's feelings about how she behaved lead her to question whether she was a good friend. She wonders if "...her doing more for me and less for her made me feel guilty, like maybe I was not a good friend." She has other questions too. Ms. Carver tells the group that "questions are a part of grief". "Is killing someone just as devastating as losing someone? Does the driver of the hit and run have nightmares too?" Sage wants to know what her friend's parents will do with their daughter's belongings. She wants to know why "out of all the blocks to walk down and corners to cross and red lights to run...why did that car crash into at the time it did?" Sage has questions about grief too. "Well, I want to know how long I'll be sad, and I want to know if I'll ever feel normal again. And what am I supposed to do on her birthday or on the anniversary of the accident? And what if I forget the sound of her voice?" And later on Sage wonders, "Did she know how much I loved her?....Was our friendship enough?" Even in her aviation class, Sage questions, "Why, when so many people keep living, did my best friend die?"
These are all timeless questions that most people experience following the death of a loved one. They are difficult questions sometimes without a definitive answer. For Sage, some understanding comes from the grief group, from her friends, and from her beloved Aunt Ini. Her mathematics class and her aviation class also offer Sage a different perspective on what has happened.
Watson uses mathematics as a metaphor for relationships, using it to portray how Sage finally comes to understand what her Aunt Ini has told her about losing someone. Sage loves mathematics because she feels in control, where there are answers and solutions. Sage's teacher, Mr. Dixon tells the class, "It's important to understand that transversal lines develop angle relationships....Understanding angle relationships in math will help you understand your personal, real-life relationships." He tells the class, "Not every person that comes into your life has a parallel to yours. We can't all be mirrors of each other. There are people -- like transversal lines-- that cross paths with yours, only for a moment. In that short moment, you connect, have something in common, but still you have your own unique experience." At this point, Sage doesn't realize how this relates to her and her view of the other girls in the grief group.
Sage believes that two of the girls in the grief group, Ana and Zay simply do not understand what she, Ebony and DD are going through because they got to say good-bye to the people they loved, and they saw death coming. She believes that their experience of death was different because they had a warning that death was imminent. Sage carries this judgement throughout many of the meetings and she admits to tuning out Ana and Zay, believing they have nothing to offer her. Eventually, Sage expresses this sentiment. "I understand that someone they loved died, but it isn't the same. They talk about months, weeks of goodbyes and quality time. I didn't have that. Neither did DD or Ebony. And I'm tired of talking about it like it's the same. ,, But to say you know how I feel, to say we are the same...no. You knew death was coming. You got to say good-bye." This results in Sage being out of the group until she apologizes.
In a class weeks later, Mr. Dixon tells the students, "when parallel lines are cut by a transversal line, four types of angles are formed. Those angles have a relationship. While some of them are congruent, the others are supplementary." Sage realizes this relates to everyone in the grief group.
"A transversal thing happened to me, to Ebony, to DD,
to Ana, to Zay.
And that one thing that touched us
was the same thing and wasn't the same thing.
And it brought us together, made us relate to each other.
Similar, not the same. Connected forever."
Sage now understands that her life was intersected by the transversal lines of Ebony, DD, Ana and Zay because of death . For some, the "angles" or experiences of death were congruent or similar to what Sage, Ebony and DD experienced, but for others it was like that of Ana and Zay. She comes to understand that death brought them together, but their experiences were all quite different. Sage now understands what her Aunt Ini was trying to tell her, "Just because everybody's pain looks different, don't mean it hurts less."
Another metaphor used by Watson in the novel is that of flying. After her friend's death, Sage isn't interested in attending the Fly Girl program. To Sage, being in her aviation class was similar to math class, "...There will be answers and reasons and formulas to help me make sense of the unknown." Sage is hoping that the Fly Girl program will give her the answers she's seeking. Ebony tells her that if she thinks about what Ms. Carver tells them during the grief group she will find those answers but for Sage, who enjoys the logic and finiteness of mathematics, that's just not the case at this time.
The Fly Girl classes help Sage process her grief in a more positive way. The Fly Girl instructor, Ms. Barbara tells the class that the mathematics of how a plane flies are incomplete, that we don't fully understand how a plane is able to fly. This makes Sage realize that science doesn't have all the answers and that maybe she does need to return to the grief group. In a discussion about turbulence encountered while flying, Ms. Barbara states that planes are designed to handle the phenomena, that it is "uncomfortable but normal" and that "...life's turbulence is the same way.", unsettling, unexpected but something we are often able to pass through.
Thinking about flying and being in sky, leads Sage to think about the various blues pilots see in the sky: light blue, white blue, blue violet and even midnight blue.
"And sometimes life is blue too.
Blue is the empty chair at the desk in the classroom
where my best friend used to sit.
Blue is the ache in my heart when I pick up the phone
to call her and remember she's gone...
Blue is all the calm, all the heartbreak, all the hope,
all the tears, all the laughter."
Sage wonders if maybe blue is the colour of love, because "For all the blues in the sky, there are as many blues in the heart."
Eventually, Sage begins to experience healing. She has some of her doubts and guilt alleviated when her friend's sister, Brielle brings her a letter that was found at the scene of the accident. The letter written to Sage, tells why her friend loves her so much and it offers Sage relief and peace. When she visits her friend's home, Sage finds a box filled with mementos of their friendship. This confirms to Sage that she was loved by her friend.
"Not only because of her letter to me
but because of all that's here, saved in this box.
She kept me, kept our friendship. sacred."
This in turn helps her to process the news that her beloved Aunt Ini has terminal cancer and as with her friend's death, more questions. By now Sage knows that life can be full of loss but that if she has children she will tell them despite this "to love without regret" and that it is okay to feel all the love, sadness and anger that loss can bring.
Once again, Renee Watson has written a profoundly beautiful and engaging story, this time focusing on the pain of loss and the grief people feel following the death of a beloved friend. All The Blues In The Sky tackles the questions about death and grief that many children have, and that often parents and other adults never address. What's interesting in this novel, is that the main character, Sage never really has a serious discussion with either her mother or father about what's happened. Her beloved Aunt Ini however, does seem to understand that Sage is struggling over the death of her friend and in her quiet way, offers Sage some wisdom that helps her towards healing. In Sage, Renee Watson has crafted a likeable, believable character. Her voice and her experience of raw grief and sadness will resonate with those young teens who have suffered a similar loss. Highly recommended.
Book Details:
All The Blues In The Sky by Renee Watson
All The Blues In The Sky by Renee Watson
New York: Bloomsbury Children's Books
182 pp.
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