Mangilaluk by Bernard Andreason

In the graphic memoir, Mangilaluk, Bernard Andreason describes his life-long struggle to find a place to belong and to understand his own identity.

Bernard was taken away from his mother at birth and spent the first two years in several homes. He was given to the Andreasons who provided Bernard with the basics of life. Initially he felt loved at times but tragedy struck with the death of his foster mother. The Andreason family life soon became less than ideal with alcohol abuse. 

When he was eight years old, Bernard was sent away to a residential school in Inuvik. At Stringer Hall Residential School, Bernard found life harsh, often experiencing fear and shame. One Christmas, Bernard was forced to stay at the residential school over the holidays. Bernard and his friends would often get smokes. One time, his friend Dennis took smokes from a supervisor. She knew they had been stolen and was angry. The next day the three boys left the school and spent the day in the bush. They didn't want to return to the school to face their punishment so they decided to walk home. When they came to a raging creek, Bernard felt they had to go back but Dennis decided to continue on.

As the weather turned rainy, Bernard and Jack decided to turn around and find Dennis. Unable to find him they once again headed to Inuvik. But Jack became too ill to go on so Bernard made him as comfortable as possible and decided to journey to Tuk. He continued walking along the powerline and was eventually rescued. 

Once safe, Bernard felt that he was loved and cared for, but devastated that his friends were gone. As he could not return to the residential school, he continued his schooling in town. At school he continued to learn but at home he experienced "...a roller coaster of verbal and physical abuse, neglect, and an introduction to alcohol."

As a teenager, Bernard struggled, sometimes attending school, often drinking. In high school, Bernard found some teachers believed in him and tried to help. Eventually he came to believe that to find who he was, he needed to leave home. After drifting for several years, Bernard enrolled in the Indigenous Journalism program at Western University in London, Ontario. He soon found friends in the Six Nations Reserve community who made him feel accepted. He wrote, was published learned a lot about himself. 

It was in the early 1990's that Bernard was diagnosed as HIV positive. He felt isolated, an outcast and began to withdraw. He left London and moved to Vancouver, at first living rough. It was Dr. Catherine Jones who helped Bernard get back on track, prescribing a drug cocktail to manage his symptoms. A social worker helped him obtain a disability income. As his health recovered, Bernard became a student at the Native Education Centre in Vancouver, obtaining his Adult Upgrading. He felt capable of achieving anything.

He moved to Prince George to study at UNBC but found that while the campus was beautiful, the people were not. He felt out of place, perceived as just another unemployed Indigenous man. But when his biological father passed away in the middle of the semester, Bernard decided to head back to his family in Tuk. This would set in motion the old, destructive patterns that destroyed most of what he had built upon in Vancouver and Prince George. After more than a decade of living rough in Prince George he returned to Vancouver where he began to recover physically, mentally and spiritually. It was the efforts of a young teacher from Inuvik who would set in motion Bernard's healing from the events of his childhood so long ago.  

Discussion

Mangilaluk is a graphic memoir about one Indigenous man's perseverance, resiliency and tenacity. 

Bernard Andreason was born in an Inuvailuit hamlet, Tuktuyaaqtuuqt, Northwest Territories in 1961. As a child he was sent to Stringer Hall Residential School in Inuvik, NT. On June 23, 1972, Bernard, along with two friends, thirteen-year-old Dennis Dick and eleven-year-old Lawrence Jack Elanik decided to runaway from the school. Dennis had stolen a pack of  cigarettes from one of the dorm supervisors. They knew the punishment would be severe and so they decided to walk home to Tuktuyaaqtuuqt, despite the fact that in two days time, they would be flown home for the summer.

In 1972, there was no road from Inuvik to Tuktuyaaqtuuqt, an Inuvialuit community of the shores of the Arctic Ocean. The three boys decided to make the one hundred thirty kilometer journey on foot, wearing only the clothes on their backs. They began their journey by following the telephone poles through the tundra and bush. Andreason stated that they believed they could make the journey in several days. It was June so the sun shone all day and at the start of their walk, the weather was sunny and warm. They were able to eat berries and found plenty of fresh water to drink.

However, after a few days the weather changed, becoming cloudy and rainy. When they were unable to cross a raging river, Jack Elanik was beginning to feel unwell. At this point, Andreason wanted to return to Inuvik because Jack was sick, but Dennis decided to continue onward. They never saw him again. Eventually Jack became too sick to continue on. Making his friend as comfortable as possible, Andreason set out once again for Tuktuyaaqtuuqt. For two weeks he continued walking, alone. Because of the twenty-four hour daylight, Andreason often lost track of time and would hallucinate. 

Andreason was eventually found eight kilometers south of Tuktuyaaqtuuqt, in early July, walking the NCPC powerline. He was spotted by an Eldorado helicopter pilot flying between Inuviut and Tuktuyaaqtuuqt. Upon his rescue Andreason was taken to the nursing station in the community, suffering from exposure. When Andreason was rescued, he believed he had only been walking for two days instead of weeks.  Jack Elanik was eventually found dead but Dennis Dick's body was never recovered.

This tragic event would have significant repercussions in Bernard Andreason's life. The loss of his friends led to survivor guilt which was compounded by growing up in a dysfunctional family, and later on by alcoholism, and an HIV diagnosis. It seems that without a supportive family and the loss of his cultural identity, Bernard struggled throughout much of his life. 

Despite this, Mangilaluk is a story of tenacity, perseverance and determination. Bernard's HIV diagnosis came at a time when he was making significant progress in his life. One wonders, had he the support of a loving family, how things might have been different. As an Indigenous person, already somewhat marginalized, the HIV diagnosis would have exacerbated his feelings of isolation and lack of belonging. However, he managed to seek out better treatment protocols in Vancouver and restart his life by upgrading his education at NEC.  

Although Bernard succumbed again to his demons and ended up on the streets, this time in Prince George, he managed to return to Vancouver to get himself well again. And showing great courage, Andreason agreed to participate in a reconciliation ceremony that would address what happened to he and his two friends so long ago. It would be a healing ceremony that would follow a speaking engagement to students in Inuvit. Andreason undertook this despite his self-doubts. 
He would have to face his family and face the devastating memories of what happened back when he was an eleven-year-old boy. 

"The ceremony was beautiful. Every moment was infused with a love and respect I had only just begun to understand was possible for me. And I received it. I opened my heart and I let them in to help heal it. I felt the power or their prayers over me and the admiration of all these people who felt I had lived a life worth honouring. I felt my story come alive, and I felt a weight lift from my shoulders...." This ceremony was healing for Bernard, whose Indigenous name is Mangilaluk. 

Bernard Andreason's story is told through the beautiful artwork of Mark Gallo, whose colourful panels are effective in portraying the emotions, and settings. Mangilaluk is another significant contribution to the Indigenous experience in Canada.

Book Details:

Mangilaluk by Bernard Andreason

Iqualuit, Nunavut: Inhabit Education Books Inc.
96 pp.

Numb To This: Memoir of a Mass Shooting by Kindra Neely

When Kindra was thirteen-years-old, she and her mother moved from Wichita Falls, Texas to Oregon. Life was very different in Oregon compared to Texas. In Texas, she played in storm drains, her school had metal detectors, police officers and police dogs. Life became more difficult when her mother had to leave her job at the air force because of a disability. Eventually they lived at the edge of town. Everyone carried guns in Texas so it felt normal. However, when there was a drive-by shooting a few houses down, Kindra's mother decided to move back to her hometown of Roseburg, Oregon. 

In Roseburg, Kindra attended the same high school her mother, making lots of friends. With friends like Chloe, Brett and Casey she hung out at the river. Her school had security guards but their role was to make sure students attended class. 

When she was seventeen, Kindra was unsure what she wanted to do, so she, along with many of her classmates, decided to attend UCC - Umpqua Community College in Roseburg. Kindra knew she wanted to help others. She met many new friends there, including her best friend Jasmine. But one day her life changed in a terrible way.

One morning, after attending her geology lab, Kindra was on her way to the pool where she worked, when she heard shots. At first she was not sure what was happening. Was a shooting really taking place? Eventually she met her friends Cara and Kaleb, and they told her that a shooter was in Snyder Hall. They decided to leave campus by taking the nature path, but Kindra didn't feel right doing this. She was concerned for those students she'd already encountered on campus who were confused and didn't seem to know what was happening. So she returned to the campus.

On the campus, Kindra and some other students locked themselves in a classroom and then were finally given the all clear, that "it's over." But Kindra was confused. Where was she to go? Was work cancelled? Kindra went to the pool where she was let into the building and took a call from her friend Christian whose mom worked in Snyder. Because no one knew what was going on, they were moved to the gym. Kindra called her mom, telling her she has heard that there are twenty people dead. After three hours in the gym the police arrived to take them to the fairgrounds

Kindra's friend Josh was with her as they were searched. Overhead she could hear the woompf of the helicopters. They were taken by bus to the fairgrounds where she finally met up with her mother and her friends, Chloe and Jasmine. Before she was even home, a picture of Kindra and Josh was published in the national newspaper. This made her angry because it felt like they were being violated.

Kindra and her mother along with many others attended a candlelight vigil that night. Students returned to school a week later, although some of the buildings were still closed. Kindra was asked to make memorial for Larry, a professor who was killed. An avid fly-fisherman, he had finally seen a red dragonfly the week before the shooting, so Kindra designed a beautiful memorial of dragonflies created with tiles.

As life moved on, Kindra decided to apply to SCAD (Savannah College of Art and Design) in Savannah, Georgia. At this time she struggled with many things in her life: what to study, her friendships which were strained. Everything felt off and wrong. Eventually she decided to enroll at SCAD. When she graduated, what should have felt like a happy moment, did not feel that way. Even when she won the Harry Jacoby Award for the person who shows excellence in school and community, Kindra felt distant and unimportant.

But on her twentieth birthday, Kindra had to face the reality of another mass shooting, this time in Orlando, at the Pulse nightclub. As these events seemed to be happening everywhere, fear began to take over. Kindra did not see the point in having another birthday if this is the way life would be. For the entire summer, Kindra felt numb and as if nothing really mattered. This feeling would continue until finally Kindra just decided she couldn't go on. It was a phone call from her best friend Jasmine who saved her life....and began her journey back.

Discussion

Numb To This explores one young woman's journey to heal in the aftermath of a mass shooting. Kindra Neely was a student at Umpqua Community College in October of 2015 when a twenty-six-year-old student shot and killed an assistant professor and eight students and wounded eight others. The college was closed for a week while police investigated.

The title, Numb To This,  is  a reference to then President Obama's speech in response to the shooting:
"Earlier this year, I answered a question in an interview by saying, “The United States of America is the one advanced nation on Earth in which we do not have sufficient common-sense gun-safety laws -- even in the face of repeated mass killings.”  And later that day, there was a mass shooting at a movie theater in Lafayette, Louisiana.  That day!  Somehow this has become routine.  The reporting is routine. My response here at this podium ends up being routine.  The conversation in the aftermath of it.  We've become numb to this.

 

We talked about this after Columbine and Blacksburg, after Tucson, after Newtown, after Aurora, after Charleston.  It cannot be this easy for somebody who wants to inflict harm on other people to get his or her hands on a gun."

In this graphic memoir of a mass shooting, Kindra Neely takes her readers through her own personal journey of dealing with the trauma of a mass shooting and beginning to take steps to heal. After the shooting, and in light of another, Kindra found herself feeling that life was "pointless" because these shootings would simply continue to happen. This led her to simply want to stop living, but a phone call from her best friend, Jasmine saved her life. 

Although life appeared to go on as normal for Kindra, inside she found herself struggling. She wanted to tell people that things were not right, "but everyone kept telling me how strong I was and I didn't want to disappoint them." She found moments of happiness such as at her friends' wedding but that would not be enough.

Kindra began experiencing panic attacks: rooms with only one exit, helicopters and the anniversary of the shooting triggered flashbacks. Another shooting, on the anniversary of the UCC shooting, but in Las Vegas on October 1, 2017 that would kill 60 people and injure over eight hundred people, triggered a complete emotional breakdown for Kindra. This started a vicious cycle of debilitating panic attacks and led Kindra to see danger everywhere.

When a fellow student at SCAD had a sister who experienced a mass shooting, Kindra reached out hoping to help. While attending the March For Our Lives in 2018, one of Kindra's friends, Josh had a panic attack. This led Kindra to truly see what she herself was experiencing as she viewed what Josh went through and that she should seek help.

Part of her healing process was the creation of "a book to show people like me that they aren't alone or that their feelings are normal." It wasn't until the third anniversary of the shooting that Kindra did seek help through student counselling. As mass shootings continued, Kindra began to be honest with friends and family about what she had experienced. Kindra's message is for us to listen with patience and humility to the survivors. They are who should be seen and heard. This was very much the opposite of what she and others experienced immediately after the shooting.

Kindra Neely has crafted an informative and sensitive graphic memoir. Her beautiful colour illustrations capture the intense emotions, the confusion, pain and suffering that survivors of mass shootings experience. It also portrays just how difficult the path to healing can be, with survivors like Kindra experiencing denial, encountering the expectation they will be "strong", experiencing difficulty in finding the right kind of help in a timely manner, and struggling to learn to live again.

Her message, using the medium of a well crafted graphic novel is powerful, much needed and encourages us all to support the survivor community. 

Book Details:

Numb To This: Memoir of a Mass Shooting by Kindra Neely
New York: Little, Brown and Company       2022
192 pp.