Frances "Fei Ting" Ching lives with her mother Gracie, in a small, one bedroom apartment in San Francisco.
After choosing the pens and notebooks Frances will use for school, her mother makes them stop at the Clement Street bank were most of the tellers are Chinese. There France's mom's favourite teller, Minnie is put forth as someone Frances should aspire to be like: she is modest, has perfect Cantonese and is a student who is working.
In the bank vault, Frances is shocked to see that her mother has a large selection of Chinese jewelry. She shows Frances two bracelets she wore when she was a baby to remind her of her heritage. There is also a jade bracelet that Frances wore on her right wrist when she was six. But whenever the bracelet came against another surface it made a knocking sound, that angered her mother. Frances was told to be careful because if she broke it her mother would make her eat it. And so in school, afraid that her teacher would tell her mother if the bracelet was damaged, Frances began writing with her left hand. The bracelet brings back painful memories as Frances remembers her mother hitting her for using her left hand, and painfully working the bracelet off without concern for Frances.
However, Frances's mother shows her many other pieces of jewelry. She opens more velvet pouches, "...revealing saltwater and freshwater pearl necklaces, more twenty-four-karat gold necklaces and bracelets, gold and jade pendants, and two giant gold bangles with the double happiness character and the dragon and pheonix, the symbols of marriage." Gracie tells Frances that she is not some haggard woman but that if her father Gong Gong hadn't left her mother (Popo) and Frances's rich father hadn't abandoned them they would be very wealthy. It is this injustice that has made her bitter. She is determined to change their lives by working hard and she makes it clear that Frances too must sacrifice , work hard and improve her grades.
Frances took the SAT last year and obtained a mark of 1050 while Theresa got 1350. This puts her at a disadvantage applying to universities. Frances's mother tells her she must ace physics and calculus, pass the AP physics and calculus exams and get a score of 1200 on the SAT! She tells Francies that she knows that life is fragile and so they must help each other to survive. Her plan is for Frances to attend Berkely, to get straight A's so she can attend medical school, become a doctor, make lots of money, buy them a nice house and quit her job and maybe even cure her. To achieve this she tells Frances, "No distractions. No sports or other after-school activities. No socializing or running around with boys." Gracie insists that this will be their "pact".
Frances attends St. Elizabeth's, a private, elite Catholic school along with Theresa Fong. On the first day of school, Frances and Theresa are in what Frances believes is their fourth period calculus class, although she's puzzled as to why Theresa is in the class. The teacher is a savvy young woman named Ms. Taylor. As each student states their goals for the year, Frances states that she wants to attend UC Berkeley and get into medicine but Theresa says that she doesn't really know. Ms. Taylor finds this to be very courageous, telling Theresa that this is normal, "You're at a time in your lives of figuring out who you are. 'I don't know' is a good place to start. Theresa here demonstrated honesty and courage in her response."
However, Frances soon realizes that she is not in calculus but in speech class. Ms. Taylor makes Frances feel excited and special, something Frances cannot envision happening in calculus class. When she checks her schedule, Frances discovers that she has not been enrolled in calculus but in speech instead. The idea that language is powerful and that it can define a person and be used to persuade and influence is very appealing to Frances.
Frances and Theresa haven't really gotten along well over the years. The two girls are very different. Theresa has a "willowy frame" while Frances is "heavyset". Theresa has thick, long, black hair while Frances's hair is brown black and thin. Frances is tall at five foot four, but Theresa is petite. Frances has good social skills but Theresa is very smart. Their mothers hold up the other as an example of success which has served to alienate the two girls. However after their first speech class, Theresa helps Frances clean her skirt and Frances makes Theresa feel better about her response to Ms. Taylor's question.
At lunch the two girls reconnect and Frances reveals that she didn't sign up for speech but was put in the class by mistake. When Frances states that she will have to go to Ms. Costello and get placed back into caclulus, Theresa makes the offhand suggestion that she could stay in speech and not tell her mother. However, Theresa encourages Frances to go fill out an appointment slip for Ms. Costello which she does but then doesn't hand in.
Although she intends to correct the scheduling mistake, Frances cannot quite make herself do this. She loves speech, it is empowering and she seems to have an aptitude for it. As the deadline for course changes passes, Frances realizes she has in fact, made the decision to stay in the class. Frances knows that her mother will be furious and never accept her having taken speech over calculus, so she enlists best friend Theresa to help her keep speech class a secret from her mother.
Ms. Taylor encourages both Theresa and Frances to join the speech team, which means they will have to compete in speech tournaments. Around the same time, Frances begins attending a Princeton Review class in preparation for the SAT. The course is held at the prestigious and expensive St. Augustine's, a co-ed Catholic high school. The first few classes Frances sits next to a blonde boy named Collins. Back at St. Elizabeth's, Ms. Taylor tells Frances that her oratory speech is "one of the most beautiful speeches I've ever read." She has Frances sign up for the speech team but their practices are after school, conflicting with the Princeton Review class. Reluctantly, Frances agrees.
Theresa encourages Frances to compete and offers to help Frances study for the SAT by teaching her since she finds the SAT easy. On the drive home from practice with Ms. Taylor she questions Frances about her future plans, about doing volunteer work at a hospital or doctor's office and suggests that she apply to all the UC colleges. She tells Frances that going away from home is a chance to discover who she is and that her mother supported and encouraged her in this. She attended Scripps where she found a smaller community of friends who supported her. Frances finds this shocking. But after an earthquake strikes San Francisco as Ms. Taylor is driving her home, Frances decides that the speech competition will be her last.
However, the one morning when her mother criticizes her attempt to clean their apartment of the broken dishes, Frances realizes that her mother is lying and using words to manipulate her. She comes to a decision. "I envision myself at a fork in the road. One prong leads to Berkeley, then med school, then residency, then working and living with my mother for the rest of my life. The other road leads to speech, the Scripps, then...I can't see the rest. I can only see my arms spreading, like wings taking flight." Frances decides that regardless of the cost, she must follow through with her plans to do speech. She hopes that through the power of language she can reclaim her life and her future. But little does Frances know, she will need all the determination and courage she can muster to outwit her controlling mother.
Discussion
Cara Chow has written a poignant novel about a young girl's struggle to live her life on her own terms and to be true to herself. Bitter Melon is one of numerous books written about Asian teens struggling to cope with manipulative mothers. In light of the recent publication of Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, it seems to be an attempt by Asian women to confront the problem of mothers (and fathers) who push their children to the absolute limit using almost any means possible to attain academic success and ultimately, status.
High school senior, Frances Fei Ting Ching lives with her mother Gracie Ching. Gracie and her mother were abandoned by her father and after moving to America, Gracie was also abandoned by her husband. Because of these abandonments, Gracie has become a bitter woman. Every hardship that comes into her life feeds this bitterness so that it is now making her ill. She suffers from acute stomach pain that leaves her doubled over. Frances notes how the pain from her bitterness has affected her mother physically. "Her back looks twisted and hunched over, as if chewed up and spat out by the hardness of life."
While showing Frances the beautiful jewelry in the safety deposit box, Gracie tells her that they would be very rich if not for being abandoned. Her bitterness oozes out like a poison, " 'I deserve better because I work hard and I am good,' Mom says. 'You deserve better because you are my daughter. I hate God for abandoning us, for letting life be so unfair. They all make me sick, sick!' " Frances astutely observes, "...all the bad people in our family making her sick, the injustice eating away at the lining of her stomach so that no drug can cure her." Gracie views every single difficulty in life through a lens poisoned with bitterness. Seeing cracks in the walls of their apartment after the earthquake Gracie doesn't count their blessings of still having a home but states "Its a mockery of my efforts. That's how cruel nature can be."
Gracie has a plan that will ensure Frances will never leave her. It involves lies, manipulation and emotional blackmail and it involves words. It is this motive that guides Gracie Ching's every action concerning her daughter and has been going on for years. Frances remembers her mother's words at the zoo when she was twelve: "They nurse their young for only a year or two...the babies grow up and the mothers abandon them, and that's that. But a human mother never turns her back on her baby. The baby eats up her mother's food and money for the next twenty years. But even then, their relationship doesn't die. Then mother and child switch roles, and the child cares for her mother."
Against this backdrop a situation develops at school that will change Frances's life forever: Frances is mistakenly enrolled in speech instead of calculus.In speech class she is exposed to another adult, Ms. Taylor, who explains the power of words. Ms. Taylor's tells the class, "Language gives us the ability not only to talk about the present but to reflect on the past and to plan for the future... Because of human language and human imagination, we can create and recreate our identities and our cultures. Language is power...We as women have the power to define ourselves and persuade others to change the ideas of our society and to pass that down for generations to come. "
This idea invigorates Frances and with the help of her friend Theresa, she stays in the class. It takes some time but eventually Frances comes to realize that her mother is using language to manipulate her preception of herself and her reality. The words France's mother uses to describe her are never uplifting but are designed to put her down and control her perception of herself, make her smaller, and bitter: lazy, stupid, thoughtless, fat, disgusting, pathetic. Once Frances comes to this realization, she decides to fight back to gain her freedom from her mother. What follows is a battle of wills.
In Ms. Taylor, Frances finds a mentor and more importantly a counter to her mother. The words Ms. Taylor uses, although they may be the same as what Frances's mother use, have different meaning. For example when Ms. Taylor asks Frances why she hasn't signed up for the speech team, Frances thinks, "Usually, questions asked by adults are accusations disguised as questions, such as 'Why are you so lazy and forgetful?' " But she realizes that Ms. Taylor really does want to know. There is no hidden agenda or accusation, lies or manipulation. And when Ms. Taylor tells Frances it would be "a waste of talent" she focuses on the word waste. "I tense up at the word waste. When my mom uses it, it means I've done something bad and I'd better do things the opposite way." Ms. Taylor is the exact opposite of Frances's mother, she is acting in Frances's best interests helping Frances to consider her options and think for herself and about what she wants for herself. She acts as a "corrective lens" though which Frances can view herself and her world. Frances's mother begins to understand the effect that Ms. Taylor is having on her daughter, and that she might be a real danger to her plans for Frances. Gracie attempts to manipulate Frances perception of Ms. Taylor by telling her Ms. Taylor is misleading and using her.
Through Ms Taylor, Frances is introduced to some ideas that she has not been previously exposed to. For example, the idea of unconditional love is brand new to her. Just before their participation in the Chinese American Association speech contest, Ms. Taylor tells her and Theresa that their mothers will love them regardless of how they place. "That's the first time I've ever heard the idea of unconditional love outside the context of religion....the idea that real live parents could be unconditionally loving is completely foreign. Often Mom and other Chinese parents say 'dai sek'. 'Dai sek describes children who are polite or affectionate, who excel in school, who serve their parents before themselves at banquets, or who send money back home. How can anyone be loved not for what they do but for who they are? Isn't who you are defined by what you do?"
Of course, this is not Frances's experience of love at all. It seems she is only loved if she achieves, and more importantly, if she achieves what her mother considers important. The other person who helps her understand this is Derek Collins, a fellow speech competitor. Despite being humiliated by her mother in front of Derek, he still wants to date her. Like Frances, he too is experiencing the weight of parental expectations, so he understands some of Frances's situation.
Frances's battle to gain control of her future is reflected in the evolution of her speech throughout her senior year. Initially her speech upholds her mother, focusing on the sacrifices she has made and Frances's determination to attain what are really her mother's goals for her. "My mother's persevance and hart work are an example to me....After I graduate from high school, I hope to attend UC Berkeley...Afterwards, I plan to attend medical school and become a doctor...My medical knowledge will improve her health...My future income will support her, so that she won't have to work and suffer any more...I remember that my hardship can't be half as hard as my mother's and that some day...when my hard work pays off so will hers..."
As Frances begins to change her plans, she makes minor edits to her speech. After applying to Scripps, the speech is edited to "My mother's perseverance and hard work are an example to me...After I graduate from high school, I hope to attend a top university..." However, after discovering her Scripps acceptance and scholarships in the kitchen garbage and sending in her acceptance, Frances begins to realize that her speech no longer reflects her reality. "A wave of nausea passes through me. After everything I've been through with my mother, none of this rings true to me anymore. To speak it, to argue it, to win with it would be a lie." And so Frances rewrites her speech to reflect what she now understands. She begins by stating how speech has helped her. "Then I started to speak. I saw the effect I had on people who listened. Over time, I also saw the effect my mother had on me when she spoke. The former made me feel bigger, whereas the latter made me feel smaller.I realized then that Ms Taylor was right, that words are more powerful than things precisely because they are abstract. Words are invisible wings, medicine for the soul. They can also be an invisible sword, spiritual mustard gas.They can also be used as a cloaking device.In fairy stories witches use words to cast spells. I saw that this wasn't just make-believe. It was happening in the real world every day." The analogies are very accurate: What does mustard gas do? It blinds you. Frances's speech lays out the expectations for her life because of her mother's sacrifices. "But this sacrifice does not come for free. I am expected to get straight As, so I can get into UC Berkeley. I am expected to go on to medical school or journalism school. Afterwards, I am expected to embark on a successful career, so that my future income will support her and she won't have to work and suffer anymore." She is now clearly aware that these are her mother's expectations and not hers. After explaining the Confucious values that her mother holds where children obey parents, Frances explains her dilemma. "On paper the Confucian way looks good...But it has one fatal flaw.It assumes that the authority figures are always just. What if that assumption is wrong? What if their judgements are wrong? What if their expectations are unrealistic or unfair? What if they are selfish or dishonest?"
If this is the situation in a family then Frances states that the choice can be a difficult one. 'It's like choosing whether to cut off one's right hand or one's left hand. It is like having to decide whether to save your drowning mother, knowing that you may both drown, or swimming to shore alone, knowing that you can only save yourself. If that is your dilemma, which way is right? Which way would you choose?' Frances doesn't win the state competition because, as Derek tells her, the judges were waiting for an answer. At this point, Frances, doesn't have the answer but she soon discovers it. Ultimately, Frances must confront her mother, in what turns out to be the novel's climax, as Gracie makes a last ditch and almost successful attempt to thwart Frances's plan to attend Scripps and move away from home.
The title of the book, Bitter Melon originates from a part in the book where Frances and her mother are eating a bitter melon during dinner. Frances does not want to eat the melon but her mother tells her, "If you eat bitterness all the time, you will get use to it. Then you will like it." Frances describes the melon whose bitterness "...no sweetness can dull" and that "...it lingers on the tongue, tainting everything else you eat." This is a metaphor for Gracie's words which are bitter and are never dulled by her "saccharine" smiles. The melon is eaten with the mouth and words also involve the mouth. Gracie is telling Frances, that like the melon, she will get used to her bitter words and even grow to like them. But like the bitter melon, Gracie's words linger long after, tainting everything in Frances's world.
Although this book might seem a little over the top in terms of some of the actions of Frances's mother, it is probably realistic in terms of what some children in certain cultures experience. However, it is not exclusive to Asian cultures. Parents from all backgrounds can place enormous pressures on their children to achieve in areas they may not be interested in or even have an aptitude for. One thinks of a child pushed to go into engineering or medicine with a limited ability in mathematics. However, the recent focus on Asian children and their parents suggests that young Asian writers have a message for their parents and all parents; allow children the freedom to choose their own path. Parents should focus on directing their young adults, not on controlling them or selecting their career.
Book Details:
Bitter Melon by Cara Chow
New York: Egmont, USA 2011
309 pp.