Bang by Barry Lyga

Fourteen-year-old Sebastian Cody accidentally shot and killed his baby sister, Lola when he was four years old. In an effort to cope with her death all memory of her has been banished from their home by his mother; there are no photographs, no baby album, no physical reminders such as blankets or toys. "She's been extinguished. She's been erased." Sebastian has been told it was an accident, that happened on a Tuesday in June,that he pointed his father's .357 Magnum at his sister as she sat in her bouncy chair.

Ten years later, in June with the school year closing, Sebastian sneaks out of his room at night and bikes to an old, abandoned mobile home. It is here that Sebastian plans to fire another bullet.

 Sebastian's mom hides her grief well but according to Sebastian, "there is always a veil between her mirth and the world..." Dr. Kennedy who is their therapist, believes that Sebastian's mother is the one who is best dealing with what happened years ago. Unfortunately, every time either Sebastian or his mom want to talk about what happened, the other is not willing to talk.

 Sebastian's best friend is Evan Danforth, whose family is very wealthy. Sebastian and Evan have spent every past summer together, but this summer Evan is attending to Young Leaders Camp. This summer his mom wants Sebastian to be productive, to get a job. But because Sebastian believes this summer will be his last, he's not willing to act on  his mother's suggestion.

What Sebastian doesn't count on however, is meeting the new girl who just moved in across the street. When he crashes his bike outside her house Sebastian meets Aneesa Fahim who will be attending the same high school in the fall.  A second bike crash the next day in her driveway, gets Sebastian an invite into Aneesa's home so she can clean the bad scrapes on his knees. He also meets Aneesa's father who is kind and shows interest in Sebastian.

Sebastian and Aneesa's friendship blossoms throughout July. A week after Evan leaves for camp, Sebastian receives an invitation to the Fahim's Fourth of July cookout. He decides to attend and after the barbecue is over, he and Aneesa spend time talking while her parents go to the fireworks. Sebastian tells Aneesa about his ability to make great pizza and she insists that some day he make her one. Throughout July, Aneesa and Sebastian are inseparable, with Sebastian showing her around Brookdale. One of the places he takes her is to the old trailer where he plans to someday kill himself, although he does not tell Aneesa this. At this point Sebastian is beginning to wonder if there might be a chance he doesn't have to kill himself. Afterwards they return to Sebastian's house where Aneesa encourages him to make her his famous pizza. Sebastian's pizza is a success and this leads her to suggest that he should seriously consider selling his pizza. And to that end Aneesa hits on the idea that Sebastian should create his own channel on YouTube to market his pizzas.

At this time Sebastian is given an ultimatum by his mother to get a job for the summer. It is Aneesa who comes to Sebastian's rescue, selling his mother on the idea of Sebastian creating a YouTube channel that features his pizzas. His mother eventually agrees but insists that Sebastian be committed to making this work.

As Sebastian works with Aneesa to develop his YouTube channel, his perspective about his life begins to undergo a radical change. He begins to wonder if maybe he can be happy. Until a series of events pushes Sebastian over the edge.

Discussion

Bang is a novel about guilt, grief, self-forgiveness and second chances, but mostly about recovering from a mistake so tragic that the consequences can never be undone.  Fourteen-year-old Sebastian Cody is collapsing under the burden of his guilt over an event he supposedly cannot remember. He accidentally shot his baby sister Lola in the head when he was four years old. No one will talk about what happened, his father has left, there is no evidence in his home or his life that Lola ever existed and he notes that "My sister is in the memory hole because I killed her." All trace of her life has been wiped from their family home, not even a photograph of her remains and at the ten year anniversary of her death, "No one said anything. No one every says anything. Nothing online. Nothing in the Sunday edition of the Lowe County Times..." He also notes that even though his sister's room has not been preserved no one has "moved on. We're all still stuck in place."

Sebastian is so burdened by his pain that he is convinced suicide is the only option left. The voice in his head tells him this. Whenever Sebastian asks the voice if it is time, it always says "No. Not yet."  But just before this summer, the voice said, "Almost. Be ready."  However, after meeting a new neighbour, Aneesa Fahim, Sebastian begins be afraid of what the voice will say. As their friendship develops he begins to rethink his plans and wonders how he will say goodbye to her in the future when his time to end his life arrives. Will he have to? "Unless...Is there any chance? Any chance at all that she could overlook my past? A chance I could stay? " This possibility is frightening to Sebastian.

Unexpectedly, Aneesa creates a sense of hope and possibility within Sebastian. He soon finds he doesn't want to ask the voice if it's time yet, because he doesn't want to know. The voice even tells him all the time he's spending with Aneesa, "cranking out pizzas and videos" is just a distraction from his gruesome end. Sebastian questions himself, "What am I doing? With the pizza stuff, with Aneesa? How have I lost sight of what's important, what matters. The plan I've had for years now, the one that was coming, marching relentlessly toward me." Sebastian promises himself he is still going to "do it."

The beginning of school sees Sebastian experience a series of events that push him towards his original plan. First his English class is assigned to write about a significant life event which to Sebastian means writing about the shooting of Lola. Then when Sebastian gets into a fight over a classmate's derogatory remark about Aneesa, comments are posted about his past and the death of Lola online. Sebastian reaches out to Aneesa for comfort only to realize that his feelings for her are not reciprocated.

This sends Sebastian into a full blown crisis. He has a violent outburst towards his English teacher, Ms. Benitez that results in his parents being called and his retired therapist, Dr. Kennedy contacting him. The voice now tells Sebastian that it's time to follow through on his plan. "It makes perfect sense, suicide does. An end to pain, to misunderstanding. An end to my existence as a walking, talking, living, breathing reminder to my mother of what was taken from her."

At this point in the novel, Lyga employs several plot twists to move the story along; information about exactly what Sebastian remembers and the reason the rundown trailer is so important to him are now revealed. Sebastian, unable to cope any longer with his pain confronts both his father and eventually his mother. He tells his father that suicide offers a means to end the pain. His father manages to show Sebastian that suicide is not the answer, telling him, "...But you got a whole life to live....Your job is to live for yourself, Sebastian. You only get one life. You get one...one chance."  He urges Sebastian to talk to his mother. Sebastian confronts his mother telling her he cannot no longer pretend that nothing has happened and that Lola never existed. "Mom, I have to talk about it. I have to, okay? I can't go on like this. I've been --" but he does not reveal that he has been contemplating suicide. Both of these encounters allow Sebastian and his parents to express and acknowledge their pain and to begin the process of healing. As a result, Sebastian comes to believe that time does not heal wounds. Instead, "We heal wounds.  Not time. Us." The  novel concludes on a positive note, with Sebastian beginning to come to terms with what happened ten years ago

Lyga was inspired to write Bang after his wife noted that there were few novels that dealt with situations where children accidentally shot a family member and how that tragedy affected these children. Although Bang tackles the issues of suicide, and to a lesser extent, gun control and prejudice, the central theme is about healing from a mistake that cannot be undone. “This book is about trying to figure out a way to move on after you have made the mistake that had never been reclaimed or fixed. No level of apology, no level of contrition, no level of atonement will ever come close to repairing the damage you’ve caused—how do you move on?The message is that one tragedy does not define a person and that as Sebastian states in his class assignment at the end, "It was an accident, but not the sort that you can apologize for and fix. You cannot repair this mistake; it lives on. So do I." And that significant events often do not change people - "Most of us just go on, the walking wounded, dealing with our lives." In the end, Sebastian refuses to be pigeon-holed as the boy who killed his sister, just as he refuses to accept Aneesa being pigeon-holed as "Muslim girl eats pizza".

Bang is written from a first person point of view and is divided into three sections, "History" which tells the backstory, "The Present" which relates Sebastian's struggle to cope with the aftermath of the events, and "Tomorrow" which lays out his change of perspective as he begins to heal. Some chapters are very short, others reading like free verse. Overall, Bang is a sensitive, well written novel that treats the subject of loss, suicide and self-forgiveness authentically and with compassion.

Book Details:

Bang by Barry Lyga
New York: Little, Brown and Company      2017
295