Not If I See You First by Eric Lindstrom

Not If I See You First is Eric Lindstrom's debut novel, about a young blind teen who discovers that there are more ways to be blind than just not being able to see. As she discovers this she learns about forgiveness, reconciliation and second chances.

High school junior, Parker Grant lives in the town of Coastview  with her Aunt Celia and her Uncle and her cousins, Sheila who attends the same high school, and Petey who is only eight years old. Parker lost her sight when she was seven years old as a result of a car accident that killed her mother and tore her optic nerves. Then three months ago Parker found her father dead on his bedroom floor. Because a bottle of Xanax was found in his room, the insurance company denied Parker his life insurance benefit and she lost the house to her Aunt Celia. To help Parker adjust to the loss of her father, her aunt and uncle moved in but the adjustment has been difficult for all.

Parker attends John Quincy Adams High School. There used to be another high school, Jefferson, but it closesd, o Adams is now jammed with new students including Parker's long ago ex-boyfriend Scott Kilpatrick. Parker and Scott had been best friends since grade four. In grade eight they became boyfriend-girlfriend. One day during lunch they went to an empty classroom and while they were kissing, unknown to Parker, they were being watched by Scott's friends. Seven boys in all. Parker fled the room and had her dad pick her up from school. Scott tried to explain to her what happened and kept calling her. He tried to tell Parker he was sorry but she refused to talk to him. If he was in the same class as her she ignored him and eventually they both graduated and went to different high schools. Now Scott is attending Adams.

At the start of the new school year, Parker has been assigned a new buddy, Molly who will help her get around the school. Unlike many visually impaired people, Parker does not wear sun glasses but instead wears a scarf wrapped around her head, covering her eyes. Since going blind Parker has a list of eleven rules, the most important being "Rule #1: Don't deceive me. Ever. Especially using my blindness. Especially in public." and "Rule #INFINITY: There are NO second chances. Violate my trust and I'll never trust you again. Betrayal is unforgivable."

After dinner that night, Parker's best friend Sarah calls her and reveals to her that Scott Kilpatrick, "Parker Enemy Number One" was in her Trig class that day and that he may try to apologize to her again. However, Parker simply steels herself and tells Sarah she will just ignore him. 

On a shopping trip to the mall to get a new pair of running shoes, Parker meets a nice sales clerk named Jason Freeborn. Parker is attracted to Jason who is a senior at Adams because he treats her like a normal person. Several days later Parker meets Coach Underhill who explains how she can run using a guide. After doing a trial run on the grass the coach tells Parker that she's fast and that means she will have a hard time finding a guide who can keep up with her.

As the days go by Parker learns that Scott seems to still care about her. When she takes a nasty fall on the field after working with Coach Underhill  she learns from Molly that Scott was one of the first over to see that she if she was hurt. When out on a date with Jason, he tells her that Scott was the one who intervened when two guys were harassing her at school and stole her phone. This leads Parker to text Scott and ask him why he did what he did to her in grade eight and what he was trying to tell her back then. He tells her the truth of what happened in Ms. Kincaid's classroom four years ago. Scott also tells her that he hopes she never forgives him and that he stopped making excuses for what he did. He tells her that he did the unforgivable.

Discussion

Not If I See You First chronicles the journey sixteen year old Parker Grant undergoes during her junior year as she is forced to confront the reappearance in her life of the boy who was her best friend and her first love. She lost that friend because she rushed to judge what he'd done without fully listening to his side of the story. She made the decision to never to forgive him and this decision has a profound effect on her life because Parker loses her ability to trust people.  But while Parker continues to ignore him after he reappears in her life she discovers that he still cares for her. And this makes her question what happened and her decision not to forgive him. Suspecting she might be missing the truth of what really happened that day she reaches out to him and discovers something about herself in the process.

Parker is still angry at her ex-boyfriend Scott Kilpatrick for what happened when they were thirteen years old. When she learns he is now attending Adams, Parker tells best friend Sarah what what he did was unforgivable. "I'll say fuck you Scott Kilpatrick and your sad little story about being a stupid kid. When people do dumbass things everyone has to live with the consequences..."

But a series of events with her new boyfriend Jason, with Scott, with her cousin Sheila and with best friend Sarah make Parker realize that she has become so focused on herself that she has become blind to what is happening in the lives of those around her.  Parker learns from Molly and Jason that Scott has been watching over her and has unknowingly come to help her several times. Unsettled over Scott's concern for her, Parker decides she needs to know his side of the story and she texts him. She discovers that he did not set her up when his friends caught them kissing and that he cared only about her that day, running after her to try to explain. Then Sarah breaks up with her boyfriend Rick but she won't tell Parker much about what happened, leading Parker to realize that they almost never talk about Sarah's life. When Sheila comes to pick up Parker at school she has music playing loudly in the car. This supremely annoys Parker until she discovers that Sheila is doing this to cover up her crying. When she tries to apologize Sheila angrily tells her that the world does not revolve around her and her problems. Parker admits to knowing this but Sheila accuses her of not really understanding. "I hear the words but everything else tells me you don't know. Yeah, you got big problems...You really are blind! You can't see you're not the center of the universe! That other people have lives and things happen to them all the time and you know nothing about it!...You just don't care. Say whatever you want but in your head it is all about you. Except it isn't, Parker. It really, really isn't."

Parker has always acted as though she is sure of everything around her because she feels she can't trust anyone but herself. She recognizes why she does this: she pretends to be sure of everything because the alternative is much scarier. "I know why I'm so sure of everything all the time; it's because I can't stomach the alternative, that I can't be sure of anything ever....the hard truth is clear. I was wrong about pretty much everything that happened in this car ride. And if I let myself think about it, I might be wrong about a lot of other things too.

She was so sure of what happened years ago in that classroom that she never considered maybe she didn't know what really happened. Now suspecting this might be the case with Sarah, Parker decides to talk to her best friend. Sarah tells Parker that Scott still loves her despite the way Parker has treated him.She knows this because of how he looks at her. Sarah realizes that Rick has never looked at her the way Scott still looks at Parker and this leads her to want more out of a relationship with a boy. She tells Parker this because she knows Parker can't see Scott's reactions. When Rick surprises Sarah by being very upset over their break-up Sarah wonders how badly Scott must have felt when Parker dumped him. This is something Parker never thought about because she was so wrapped up in her own feelings. Parker comes to the realization that the person she's always been is not someone who's very good.

When she confronts Scott to admit her mistake she tells him that it seems like "Everyone is a secret. There's no way to know what's in anyone's head." but Scott tells her "People are full of things you don't know but that doesn't mean they're secrets; you just don't know everything yet." When she asks if they can be friends again Scott declines because he believes he has permanently broken Parker's trust, an important characteristic of a true friendship.

Parker tries to convince Scott that she wants to be friends again and that she is able to trust him. However Scott is having none of it because she's a person who doesn't trust and he can't imagine her as someone who does. The Parker Scott now knows is the one who tells a fellow student during one of her "relationship advice sessions" with Sarah that getting back with an old boyfriend won't work,
" The point is...if he wasn't happy before, why would he be happy now? Either he's changed or he's hoping you have. Have you changed?"
"I don't think so."
"He hasn't either, sorry to tell you. People don't change. They just learn from experience and become better actors."

Despite Parker's efforts to convince Scott that she feels differently about him now that she knows the truth of what happened, Scott is unwilling to be more than just friends. Scott also has trust issues. Like Parker who thought Scott was someone who would betray her, Scott believes Parke is someone who would just throw a "friendship away in an instant, and...just bail without even a word." Parker understands that Scott can't trust her because she didn't trust him but she tells Scott that "...trust needs proof." Parker forces Scott to make a choice: either he is her boyfriend and he continues doing the things he's been doing to look out for her, or he is not and he has to stop watching out for her.

Lindstrom has crafted and entire set of realistic, believable teen characters in his novel. Parker Grant is completely blind (something Lindstrom does mention as usual as most people with visual impairment can see some light or shadows) but she's no stereotype. That much is evident from the very beginning of the novel when she is portrayed as a person known for speaking her mind and not caring how others feel. Parker describes herself at the beginning of the novel as "I'm the reigning queen of not giving a shit..."  She's not a nice person. When she is nasty to the boy in Trig class she states, "The silence that follows is the perfect example of the thing I love most about being blind: not seeing how people react to what I say." She has an attitude, she's self-centered and as Trish describes her later in the book, she's a "Blind Bitch".  But Parker's struggles to come to terms with several tragedies in her life make her an endearing character too.

Not If I See You First is a brilliant debut novel for Lindstrom and marks him as an author to watch for in the future.

Book Details:

Not If I See You First by Eric Lindstrom
New York: Little, Brown and Company      2015
310 pp.

My Heart and other Black Holes by Jasmine Warga

"I can't help but laugh. If I have a boyfriend, his name is Death. And I'm pretty sure Roman is in love with him, too. It's like a love triangle gone wrong. Or maybe it's a love triangle gone right: we both get the guy on April 7."

Sixteen year old Aysel Seran lives in Langston, Kentucky with her mom, stepdad Steve, and her half sister, Georgia and brother, Mike. Aysel is obsessed with killing herself. Her life is hell after her father was sent to prison for murder.

While working at Tucker's Marketing Concepts, Aysel joins an online suicide group, Smooth Passages which is dedicated to helping people kill themselves. Aysel sees a message on the Suicide Partners forum which pairs up people who help each other commit suicide, and decides to respond to it. The message is from a seventeen-year-old boy who lives in the adjacent town and who uses the handle FrozenRobot.

Aysel's life has been made intolerable by her father committing a crime which is only fully revealed to readers near the end of the novel. That crime involved the death of Langston's golden boy, Timothy Jackson, three years ago. Timothy was Langston's Olympic hopeful in track and field.

She's lost her friends who "scattered as fast as they could once the news of my dad's crime traveled through the halls of school".  As a result of her father's incarceration, Aysel has come to live with her mother and Steve full time and she feels she's never really fit into her family. "I've never fit, not really before my dad lost it, and certainly not after..." Aysel believes she is a constant reminder to her mother of her dad and her potential to become a criminal like him. For Aysel suicide is the means to prevent "myself from growing into the person I've terrified of becoming."

Aysel and FrozenRobot, whose name is Roman Franklin, meet at the root beer stand on Route 36 which is between their two towns of Langston and Willis. When Aysel sees Roman for the first time, he's not what she's expecting. He's tall, lanky with "buzzed chestnut-colored hair and deep-set hazel eyes." Roman doesn't look like someone who is intent on committing suicide because he looks like he cares about his appearance and he seems to be popular at the root beer stand where the waitresses flirt with him. However, to Roman, Aysel does fits the part of someone who wants to kill herself because she looks so terribly miserable. From their first meeting, Aysel learns that Roman is an exceptional basketball player, who used to work out with Brian Jackson, the younger brother of the boy her father killed. However, he no longer plays the sport he loves so much.

At school, Aysel's physics teacher, Mr. Scott, assigns a project to the class that involves taking pictures to illustrate the principles of the conservation of energy. Mr. Scott chooses the teams by picking names out of a hat resulting in Aysel being paired with Tyler Brown. Aysel doesn't care much about completing the project because it is due after April 7th, the date she and Roman have chosen to kill themselves.

The second time Aysel and Roman meet, Roman reveals why he wants to commit suicide. One day Roman was babysitting his nine year old sister, Madison, who suffered from seizures and couldn't be left alone. However, Roman had his girlfriend over and while he was making out with her, Madison had a seizure and drowned in the bathtub. He gets little sympathy from Aysel though, who believes that unlike her, the world does feel compassion for Roman and what happened to him.

Aysel and Roman drive up to Crestville Pointe which is a park overlooking the Ohio River to scout out a location to commit suicide. Aysel refuses to tell Roman why she wants to kill herself and he tells her that he wants to know because if her reason is stupid he will try to talk her out of it. Aysel begins to see how Madison's death has affected Roman. Although he is classically good looking, the type who is popular in school she realizes "...the more I stare at him, the more I see his grief wrapped around him like shackles he can never take off. I try to imagine him without the grief...but it's hard to see him as anything other than desperately sad." Roman wants to jump off the cliffs at Crestville Pointe and into the Ohio River because he feels that drowning like Madison did is the right way to die.

The next day when school is canceled due to snow, Aysel's half sister, Georgia calls Aysel out on her attitude. She tells Aysel that her dad has given Aysel a home, implying she should be grateful. She tells Aysel that she is not to blame for what her father did. "I'm tired of you spending every day feeling sorry for yourself just because of what your dad did. Newsflash: You aren't your dad. And you should stop blaming everyone else for what he did. Yourself included." Aysel is touched by the concern of her half sister who tells her "I just wish you weren't so sad all the time, Aysel" and the love of her half-brother, Mike who begs his mom to make sure she puts more chocolate chips in the pancake batter because "Aysel loves chocolate chips." Suddenly Aysel realizes that leaving them is going to be difficult.

Tyler and Aysel decide to take pictures at the zoo for their physics project and arrange to go to Louisville the following Saturday. At Roman's on Friday evening, Aysel agrees to allow him to tag along with her and Tyler. Dinner at Roman's home makes Aysel feel good because she's the center of attention which she surprisingly enjoys; Roman's mother cooked a Turkish meal for her, wants to know her opinion on everything, and she is friendly and kind towards Aysel. However, the fact that she mistakenly believes Roman's interest in Aysel is a sign he is recovering from his sister's death makes Aysel feel guilty.

On Saturday, Georgia invites herself to come with Tyler, Roman and Aysel to the zoo. At the zoo, Tyler tells Aysel that Georgia is trying to be friends with her and that she is concerned about her. Talking to Roman about Georgia leads Aysel to realize that she wants to see her father before she dies. Roman doesn't like this because he considers that Aysel is trying to find reasons to live, however, he decides he will go with her to see her dad.

After rummaging through papers in her mother's bedroom, Aysel learns that her father is at McGreavy Correction Facility. She calls the facility and then decides to visit the following Saturday. With eleven days before April 7, Aysel starts to become more involved in life. She finds that actually doing her work makes her shift at TMC go faster, and then she invites Roman to go with her to the Langston carnival, the one place she can remember being truly happy.

At the carnival, Aysel tells Roman more about going to see her dad and that he is in prison. When Roman seems unfazed by this, Aysel is grateful for his unconditional acceptance of her. However, Roman is more concerned with why she wants to see him and he is convinced that she is "flaking out" on him - not intending to go through with jumping off of Crestville Pointe.

Aysel and Roman plan to visit McGreavy Correctional Facility and then go camping for a night. Roman continues to be puzzled as to why Aysel wants to see her father. When things don't work out at the facility, Aysel and Roman spend the night at a muddy campground, eating hotdogs and drinking red wine. During their night together, Roman kisses her and holds her in his arms, making Aysel finally recognize that she no longer wants to die. Roman tells her that this shouldn't change anything, that he needs to remember Madison and she needs to remember her reasons for wanting to kill herself. It is her reasons that stop Aysel. She's afraid that if she tells Roman her reasons for wanting to commit suicide he will agree that she has to die.

Aysel now realizes that her relationship with Roman has changed her perspective. "He's no longer the person I want to die with; he's the person I want to be alive with." But can Aysel give Roman a reason to live, can she do for Roman what he did for her?

Discussion

My Heart and other Black Holes is a deeply moving novel that portrays teen depression and suicide in a way that is intensely realistic. The message is one of hope, that no matter how dark the depression may be, it is possible to overcome the sadness. My Heart and other Black Holes portrays that difficult, sinuous journey out of darkness and into hope.

Warga offers readers two teens who are contemplating suicide as a result of  life-changing events they have experienced. Both Roman and Aysel have withdrawn from life despite both having things in life that they deeply love. In Roman's case, his guilt doesn't allow him to pursue the things he enjoys; he has stopped playing basketball which he excelled at, stopped training with another athlete and abandoned his friends. Roman's guilt tells him he deserves to die.

For Aysel, her father's incarceration leaves her feeling unmoored and deeply depressed; she's now living with her mother whom she does not feel close to.  She's angry and jealous of her younger sister, Georgia who seems to fly though life. Aysel doesn't do her job at the call center and she avoids participating in class, even in physics which she loves. Her father's crime has changed Aysel's perception of herself and those around her. Aysel believes she will turn out like her father. Suicide is the preventative to that happening.  "Without me, my mom won't have to stay up at night, worrying that the criminal gene, the murderer gene, was passed to me and that any day now, I'm going to blow up the school or something awful like that... I want to say that I know for sure that I'm different from my dad...But I'm not sure. Maybe the sadness comes just before the insanity...All I know is that I'm not going to stick around and find out if I become a monster like my dad."

It is this theme of perception or as Aysel describes it, perspective, and how our perspective affects how we live our lives, that dominates the novel. Aysel's perception of herself and others is deeply distorted at the beginning of the novel but undergoes a significant change throughout the novel. Although in the beginning of the novel,  she acknowledges that her mother used to look at her "with a combination of love and longing" before her father's crime, she now believes her mother views her not with love but with suspicion. "She'd never say it, but I am an intruder in their happy home. An infestation. I've gone from being a bruise to an open festering wound." Aysel also believes those around her do not like her, that she inspires "the desire to wash their hands clean".  At school she states "...I can hear their whispered insults, but it all sounds like a mumble of hisses to me..." Aysel admits that although she lost most of her friends after what her father did, her best friend, Anna Stevens stuck by her but Aysel pushed her away because it was for Anna's own good.  She describes Mr. Palmer, her boss at TMC as speaking to her like she's "a stray mutt raiding his garbage can."

Roman begins to pull Aysel out of herself because she notices that despite his handsome, boy-next-door good looks, he is wrapped in grief. In physics class, Mr. Scott asks his students about Einstein's Theory of Relativity. After pressing Aysel she responds, "Doesn't it have to do with how our perception of things can't always be trusted?" - a foreshadowing of what Aysel will come to realize about her own life and Roman's life too. After giving a brief description of Einstein's theory, Aysel states that time isn't constant and that "it's all about the perception of the observer."  This causes Aysel to think about the last few weeks of her life since she met Roman and they made the decision to die together. "Ever since I met Roman and made the Crestville Pointe jump plan, time has flown by. I want to believe that the change has nothing to do with Roman. That maybe time just moves the quickest at the end...I know everything is close to being gone forever, so my desire to rush it is a little less."

This leads to Aysel beginning to try to savour moments that she won't experience again, like eating her granola bars slowly so she can taste the chocolate chips, tasting the citrus in her orange juice, or doing extra practice problems in physics because she loves it so much.  However, this begins to have the opposite effect in that it slowly awakens in Aysel the desire to live.

What ultimately changes Aysel's perspective on life is her trip with Roman to see her father. On the drive to McGreavy, Roman does a sketch of Aysel using charcoal pencil. After visiting the correctional facility, while camping, Roman admits that he cares about the things that Aysel cares about and he knows he's made her happy. But Roman insists that this perception isn't real, because (their) "happiness is fake, it's fleeting." and they need to remember their reasons (for wanting to die).

But Aysel knows that their changing perceptions are important and have made a difference - at least to her. Meeting Roman has changed her.

"But maybe meeting Roman has helped me to understand myself better. Yes, I'm broken. And yes, he's broken. But the more we talk about it, the more we share our sadness, the more I start to believe that there could be a chance to fix us, a chance that we could save each other."

"Everything used to seem so final, inevitable, predestined.But now I'm starting to believe that life may have more surprises in store than I ever realized. Maybe it's all relative, not just light and time like Einstein theorized, but everything. Like life can seem awful and unfixable until the universe shifts a little and the observation point is altered, and then suddenly, everything seems more bearable."

When Aysel looks at the drawing Roman did of her, she is astonished because the drawing shows her as she could be. "The girl I'm staring at is not me, but she is me. Her large eyes are focused away from the viewer, but there's something in them I don't immediately recognize: hope. Her posture looks straighter than mine, like she's stronger, more resilient."

Roman's drawing gives Aysel the hope she needs to grasp on to and so she takes the drawing as a keepsake. "I need it to remind myself that I can be this girl, that this girl is inside of me. This hopeful, strong person."Aysel becomes that strong person, the person that Roman sees and she repays him by saving his life. Later, Roman admits that he drew the picture "To try and show you the person I see when I look at you, not the person you seemed to think you were."

Aysel's change in perspective is also demonstrated by her relationship with her mother and sister.  Her distorted view of how her mother views her undergoes a transformation by the end of the novel. When Aysel tells her mother that she's not going to turn out like her father despite the fact that she is sad all the time, her mother admits that she did not know how to talk to her about what happened. That she was afraid to say and do the wrong thing. Aysel's mother asks her to open up and talk to her about her sadness, demonstrating that she does not share Aysel's earlier perception that she would become like her father.

Aysel's perspective about Georgia, the stepsister who by Aysel's reckoning she hasn't "had a real conversation with in about two years" is also distorted. At the beginning of the novel she describes her sister as "not having the time to worship anyone other than herself" and as someone who "loves the sound of her own voice."  She describes her stepsister as being like the sun while she is "like the bumpy, brooding moon." But on the morning of the snow day, Aysel realizes that perhaps her mother, Georgia and Mike actually do care about her when she overhears their conversation at breakfast. Later on Tyler tries to convince Aysel that her step-sister really does care about her.

One of the strengths of this novel is how Warga describes what it feels like to be depressed. Aysel's depression is personified by a black slug - an image that is both ugly and scary. Aysel describes what she's feeling as though something is wrong inside her. "I bet if you cut open my stomach, the black slug of depression would slide out."  The black slug is something that "devours any happy thoughts I allow myself".  She claims she hasn't cried since she was ten. "I think it's because the black slug sucks up any of my potential tears." But as her perspective on living changes, Aysel wishes that the black slug in her didn't exist.

One unique strength of this novel is how the author has incorporated her knowledge of science and specifically Einstein's Theory of Relativity into the story line. It is an interesting facet to this novel because it helps develop the theme of perception and time.

My Heart and Other Black Holes is an outstanding piece of realistic fiction that is deeply emotional in its portrayal of depression and suicide. Warga's writing will resonate with teens and adult readers alike. We all know someone who has contemplated suicide, maybe someone who has committed suicide, someone who is depressed or deeply sad. We can change the conversation about mental health issues especially when it comes to young people, by reaching out to one another when we see someone struggling. Aysel and Roman's families recognized that they were struggling but were unable to move forward and help them.

Jasmine Warga writes that she wrote My Heart and Other Black Holes because of the death of a friend and the writing allowed her to process what she was feeling. Warga writes in her Author's Note at the back that, "My Heart and Other Black Holes has always been a story about the people who understand you, all of you, even the scariest and weirdest parts of you. It is about those people who come into your life when you least expect it, in the strangest of ways, and change everything -- it is about the importance of letting those people in, of opening up to them. It is about the people in your life who help you to see yourself differently and the true power of human connection."

In the words of Aysel, "I want you to live for you because I know there's so much more waiting for you. There's so much more for you to discover and experience. And you deserve it, you might not think you do, but you do. I'm here to tell you that you deserve it." 

Amen.

Book Details:
My Heart and Other Black Holes by Jasmine Warga
New York: Balzer + Bray, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers     2015
302 pp. 

The Death of Us by Alice Kuipers

The Death of Us by Alice Kuipers is a story of a toxic friendship between two girls that ends in tragedy. Shrouded within the mystery of a terrible accident is a toxic love triangle involving one young girl confused about her sexual identity and another with a troubled past.

Synopsis

The novel opens with the ending of the story and then works its back to that point with alternating narrators. It is July 31st, the middle of the summer. The story begins with one of the major characters, Kurt Hartnett, indicating that there has been a terrible car crash at a bridge outside of Edenville. Kurt is at a party at his best friend Xander Buckmaster's home where he overhears people talking about Ivy Foulds and Calliope Carraway who are on their way to the same party. One of the partiers screams that there has been a terrible crash at the bridge and a picture posted on social media indicates that the car is similar to Ivy's. Kurt knows that Callie is with Ivy.

Alternating with Kurt's narratives which occur mostly at the hospital are those of Callie and Ivy, beginning fourteen days prior to the accident which provide the backstory leading up to the accident.

Ivy has returned to Edenville with her alcoholic mother and her mother's boyfriend, Kevin. Ivy's life has been anything but stable. Her father left when she was three years old and her mother has been involved with many men and drinks a lot.

Ivy's friend, Callie, whom she describes as "shiny-penny Callie" still lives in Edenville with her mother and father and her baby brother, Cosmo. Her father is a history professor at the university and her mother is a successful children's author. Callie is a good girl who by her own accounts keeps her room tidy, does her homework and is "perfectly bone-crushingly normal". She feels she should be delighted with a baby in the house" and that at sixteen she should be able to deal with her mother having a new baby. But she's not. Callie is jealous.

When Ivy returns after leaving suddenly three years ago and not saying good-bye, Callie is both thrilled and upset.  Ivy tells Callie that they lived in San Francisco where her mother tried to re-ignite her relationship with Ivy's dad and then moved to Kansas City where she met Kevin, a pot-bellied, well to do man whom Ivy finds disgusting. Ivy forces Callie to go for a run one morning and they meet Callie's friend, Kurt. outside a home near where Callie lives. Callie is puzzled because she knows Kurt lives in a fancy house outside of town. Ivy is immediately attracted to Kurt and Callie notices this attraction. Kurt invites the two girls to accompany him and Xander on his boat the following day. Ivy agrees but Callie knows her mom won't allow her to go.

After visiting her ailing grandmother, Callie approaches her mom about the boat trip but as soon as she learns that Ivy will be going, her mom refuses to allow Callie to go. Her mother tells Callie that she's always been "intoxicated" with Ivy and that her friendship with her was not good for her, causing her to dump her close friend Rebecca three years ago. Because of this, Callies mom decides to forbid her to see Ivy.

Ivy goes out with Kurt and Xander on the boat and the next day the two girls meet at a cafe. On her way to the cafe, Callie sees a ad for a job in an art studio and thinking how forward Ivy is, decides to apply. At the cafe Callie and Ivy make plans to double date that night but Callie, knowing her mother will never give her permission, sneaks out to Ivy's home.The two girls meet Kurt and Xander at a BEneath, a bar a few blocks from Callie's home and get drunk.

Soon Callie begins lying more and more to her mother so she can see Ivy. She sneaks out of the house to go with Ivy, Kurt and Xander on the boat and then one night to go to a party at Kurt's house. However, Callie's parent's discover her lie when she doesn't return home after the party and when her granny passes away the night of the party. At first her mother is furious about the party but after the funeral relents, telling Callie that perhaps she needs to be more open-minded. She agrees to allow Callie to see Ivy but expects her not to lie anymore.

When Ivy tries to get Callie to come to another party, Callie tells her she's not allowed to. She finally explains that her mother doesn't like Ivy after she saw what the girls were doing three years earlier. The two girls go shopping at a store and while Ivy is changing, Callie discovers that Ivy has been lying to her about events that have happened in her life while away in Kansas. This greatly upsets Callie but she accepts Ivy's explanation. The night of the party, Callie decides to slip out of the house and attend without her parents permission. Callie is confused about Ivy's feelings towards her, towards Kurt and believes that possibly Ivy feels that same towards her. Eventually the relationship between the three teens gradually descends into a toxic love triangle with all three not really understanding how they feel about each other.This leads to jealousy, anger and tragedy no one could have predicted.

Discussion

Alice Kuipers keeps her readers guessing through the entire novel with narrations that seem to have one meaning only for the reader to discover that something very different was happening. For example, the reader believes that Xander and Kurt are at the party and head to the hospital to learn the fate of Ivy and Callie. In fact, this is not the case. Careful readers will quickly pick up on what is happening, others won't figure it out till the reveal at the end of the novel.  The same is true for Callie and how she feels about Ivy. At first it seems like she's happy for the return of a long lost friend, but soon it becomes apparent that Callie's relationship with Ivy is very different from an ordinary friendship. The effect of these unreliable narrators is to build a sense of deepening mystery, creating a shocking ending to the story.

Characterization is particularly strong in The Death of Us. Both Ivy and Callie are deeply troubled girls who are struggling with significant changes in their family life, while also trying to determine their own identities. Ivy, who has tried to kill herself, struggles to maintain control in her life, exercising to excess and listening to esteem-building podcasts while attempting to avoid morphing into a copy of her manipulative and needy mother. The rage inside her eventually explodes as she confronts Kurt and Callie about their relationship. Callie, on the other hand, comes from a stable home where she has to fit into her parents image of a good girl. She never parties, does her homework and blends in. But Callie feels lost in a family focused on a toddler, her parents oblivious to her needs as a teenager. Her rebellion is ignited by the arrival of Ivy. Callie's mother really does know the truth about her daughter's relationship with Ivy but tries to pretend that things are normal. Of course the difference between the two girls is that Callie has a mother who really does care about her. When she tells her mother she is confused about who she is, her mother is patient and understanding.

Especially well portrayed is the complex relationship between the two girls. It is a relationship fraught with secrets; the secret of Ivy's mother attempting suicide and the secret of the two girls experimenting sexually. Both of these secrets affect their relationship. Callie told Ivy she has told no one but when the girls visit Callie's granny, the elderly woman lets slip she knows about Ivy's mom. The sexual experimentation is a confusing point for both girls with what happened obviously meaning much more to Callie than to Ivy who definitely likes boys. Neither girl understands the other; Ivy doesn't understand Callie's attraction to her to the point that she doesn't believe she's not interested in Kurt and Callie doesn't understand Ivy's distrust and dishonesty.


As Kuipers has stated about The Death of Us, "Starting a book with the end of a story, makes for difficult writing.." But Alice Kuipers succeeds brilliantly in her novel. It an interesting, well written novel from a favourite writer of mine.

Book Details:
The Death of Us by Alice Kuipers
Toronto: HarperTrophy Canada     2014
216 pp.

Dangerous Girls by Abigail Haas

Dangerous Girls is a murder mystery that involves a group of teens in Aruba on their spring break holiday.

Anna Chevalier is a senior at a private school for Boston's wealthy, Hillcrest Prep. Anna transferred to Hillcrest at the beginning of her junior year. As an outsider, at first Anna experiences bullying from Lindsay Shaw and her posse of rich girls. But one girl from Lindsay's clique, Elise Warren, befriends her and that is the start of Anna's transformation from invisible wallflower to popular "it" girl.

Anna and Elise become close friends but Elise's influence on Anna is not a positive one. She begins skipping classes and lies to her father about going to parties and drinking. "...Elise...She was my catalyst. The glint in my eye, the giddy thrill in my stomach, the voice urging me to be louder, bolder, to blend into the background no more."

Anna first notices Tate Dempsey, one of the most popular guys at Hillcrest, a star athlete and member of the student government the summer before her senior year. Anna is struggling to deal with the return of her mother's cancer  and dreads having to cope with her mother's illness all over again. She first noticed Tate at a college party near the end of the semester just before summer vacation. Tate is different from the other popular, rich boys because he seems humble and caring. Tate wants to enter politics someday and so his parents urge him to be careful about what he does and how he behaves.

Their summer is spent at the beach and doing road trips. Over the summer Anna and Elise are soon joined by Max and Chelsea Day and an old friend of Elise's, Melanie Chang. Soon Tate's buddy Lamar becomes involved with Chelsea and Akshay Kundra also a friend of Tate, joins their group. Suddenly Anna has her own clique.

In their senior year, tension begins to develop between Elise and Anna, who is falling hard for Tate. Elise warns her not to take Tate too seriously, that he is only going to break up with her in a month or two. Anna suspects that Elise is jealous, especially when she begins to complain about how much time Anna spends with Tate and not with her. During spring break, the group decides to spend the holiday at Akshay's dad's house in Aruba. But their vacation turns deadly when Elise is brutally murdered during what appears to be a break-in. During the course of the investigation by prosecutor, Judge Klaus Dekker, the focus gradually shifts entirely to Anna.

Dangerous Girls is a fascinating murder mystery with a twist at the end that leaves readers truly wanting justice. Haas does provide her readers with clues to the twist throughout the book, but the reader isn't certain until the very last page of the novel.

Discussion

Dangerous Girls offers readers a good storyline with well crafted characters. Haas has created a complex and enigmatic character in Anna Chevalier, a girl who felt completely abandoned by her parents - an overworked father and a terminally ill mother, and who was an outsider at school. With the help of her best friend Elise, she manages to form her own clique, but her relationship with Elise is deeply enmeshed and ultimately proves to be harmful to Anna. Anna is unable to take responsibility for any of her actions and we see her constantly pushing the blame for her behaviour onto others in her life - her mother and her friends.

Elise is the quintessential party girl, and a young woman who uses her physical attractiveness to manipulate boys. She is emotionally manipulative towards Anna who appears to depend upon Elise for her emotional security. Elise is constantly pushing the envelope on what she can get away with, seeming to avoid the consequences of her actions.

Tate is characterized as a young man already willing to compromise his integrity to achieve his political goals of the future. Although one might excuse him because he's being controlled by his parents, nevertheless he is old enough to know that by lying to Dekker he has now become an accessory to murder. This is something he has to live with the rest of his life.

The storyline of Dangerous Girls is remarkably similar to the real life tragedy of American teen, Natalee Holloway who disappeared in Aruba in 2005 and whose body has never been found. It is likely she was last seen in the company of local resident, Joran van der Sloot and Deepak and Satish Kalpoe.

Haas captures many of the features of murder investigations in jurisdictions outside the United States; a group of wealthy senior high schools students vacationing on an island, a compromised crime scene with poor police work,  and often a slew of shadowy potential suspects that are never fully investigated either because they are wealthy tourist or locals.

Overall, this was an interesting read that touches on the themes of betrayal and revenge.

Book Details:
Dangerous Girls by Abigail Haas
New York: Simon Pulse    2013
388 pp.

This Is What Happy Looks Like by Jennifer E. Smith

It all begins with an errant email sent one night by an unknown person,GDL824, to sixteen year old Ellie O'Neill. It turns out that person is a seventeen year old boy who lives in California with his pet pig, Wilbur. What follows are a series of emails that continue on through a period of three months in which EONeill and GDL824 establish an online friendship.

Unbeknownst to Ellie, her secret admirer is none other than teen hearthrob and actor, Graham Larkin. And what's more, iGraham has managed to convince his producer to move the location of his next movie to the small town of Henley, Maine where his unknown correspondent lives.

Graham and his costars are booked into the Henley Inn and with his arrival come the hordes of paparazzi. Meanwhile, Ellie and her best friend Quinn try to go about their jobs. Ellie  works at her mother's gift shop.

In a chance meeting, Graham enters Sprinkles after Ellie leaves and sees Quinn wearing Ellie's shirt with her name on it. He assumes Quinn is Ellie and asks her out to dinner. Graham quickly learns during his date with Quinn the truth about Ellie and sets off to meet her at her house. However, when Graham shows up at Ellie's house and identifies himself as the person she was corresponding with, Ellie is stunned and embarrassed. 

Ellie is reluctant at first to become involved with Graham because she is struggling to come to terms with the fact that she has been corresponding with such a famous person. "Most girls, she knew, would be delighted to find out they'd been corresponding with a movie star. But to Ellie, it just seemed unfair. She wanted nothing more than to spend time with GDL824 this afternoon. It was Graham Larkin she wasn't so sure about." 

Ellie is also reluctant to get involved with such a high profile person because of her past - or more specifically her mother's past. Ellie is the illegitimate daughter of a well known senator Paul Whitman, who is considering a run for the United States presidency. When her mother found herself pregnant and abandoned years ago, she fled to the small town of Henley, Maine to live a reclusive life. Ellie's potential involvement with Graham Larkin and being pursued by paparazzi is sure to uncover her family's secret.

Despite Ellie's fears, the following day Graham manages to convince her to meet him at a cove. Gradually Ellie's attraction to Graham returns and they begin to meet secretly, their attraction as real as it was online. But Ellie wonders how can two people with such different lives ever be together? And how can she still see Graham and protect her mother's privacy too?

Discussion

This Is What Happy Looks Like began wonderfully with a prologue featuring the emails sent between Graham and Ellie. They are sweet and witty, drawing the reader quickly into the story. A young woman who is unknowingly corresponding with teen heartthrob and movie star makes for a great romantic beginning. 

However, the initial premise as to how Graham and Ellie meet feels contrived. It's very unlikely even a major star would have much say in where a movie is filmed. Locations are scouted months if not a year in advance so that settings for various scenes can be arranged. Instead, the author should have developed another way for Graham and Ellie to meet- perhaps having Graham arriving on a vacation, or to visit a nearby friend or relative.

As a result, the novel loses its way quickly. The manner in which Graham and Ellie actually meet is rather creepy when he suddenly shows up at her house. It also seemed somewhat unrealistic that a major movie star (as Graham Larkin is described in the novel) would spill all the details of his secret correspondence with Ellie who is unknown to him and who he is trying to find,  to someone who claims to be her friend (Quinn). It would have been more believable if Graham would have kept his surprise to himself, having already discovered the identity of his online friend and then discreetly learned what he needed to know from Quinn.

From this point on, the novel feels slow. Quinn's behaviour towards Ellie was irritating and immature - amazingly she expected Ellie to tell her everything about her life, and when she doesn't Quinn dumps her. Yet later on when more important information about Ellie is revealed, Quinn seems incredibly ambivalent. The lengthy episode involving Ellie and Graham stealing a boat used in the filming didn't seem to further develop the relationship between Graham and Ellie. While most readers will be happy with the ending of the novel, it was for the most part, predictable and somewhat flat - a sweet uncomplicated finale.

This Is What Happy Looks Like does have some interesting characters that readers will enjoy. Ellie is a good student who hopes to attend Harvard and who reads poetry. She wasn't star-struck by Graham because she was able to develop a friendship with him unaware of his identity and therefore outside of his public persona. Although Ellie likes Graham and wants to date him, she struggles because of her family's secret. This leads her to want their relationship to be private (no cameras, no publicity). something that was mostly outside of Graham's control even though he tries his best. A relationship with a public figure means sharing him/her with the public, something Ellie was not willing or ready to accept. This felt realistic as it's probably one of the reasons why very famous people struggle to maintain relationships. Not everyone can deal with this kind of scrutiny.

Ellie was naive in believing that her personal life could remain private in these circumstances. Sadly, instead of helping her daughter, Ellie's mother's cynicism plays out. When her mother learns of her relationship with Graham she coerces Ellie into breaking off with him. This should have been a source of major conflict between Ellie and her mother, yet it wasn't developed as much as it could have been. Instead, Ellie accepts her mother's view of what will happen, which makes sense considering that Ellie is only sixteen-years-old. So she makes the difficult decision to break up with Graham. It's likely that in this situation, Ellie's mother is correct - as Graham's career develops, the demands placed on him would likely make their relationship difficult.

Ellie's mother Margaret seemed to have given up everything for privacy and seems cynical. As a person who wanted to change the world, her life didn't quite work out the way she planned. Yet, in order to protect her daughter and herself, she has made a significant sacrifice, living a quiet life in a small town running a gift shop. She wants what's best for Ellie and feels that, in the end, Graham will not offer that.

Graham is a sweet, charming guy who hasn't yet been corrupted by stardom. It's obvious his sudden rise to fame has been hard on him and his family but again that source of conflict was only briefly touched on. Graham's wit makes for interesting dialogue, at times making him a quite genuine and romantic character. Smith does a good job of portraying what it must be like to be hounded by paparazzi on a daily basis with Graham's run-in with a photographer.

This Is What Happy Looks LIke is a sweet story about two young people from very different social circles, who fall in love over a summer and then move on. As a result, This Is What Happy Looks Like was somewhat disappointing and felt like it never really quite reached its potential. This novel might have worked much better if the characters were older, in their early twenties which Ellie being in college. However, it's possible the author wanted to explore the issues around teen stars and fame.

Book Details:
This Is What Happy Looks Like by Jennifer E. Smith
New York: Little, Brown & Company     2013
404 pp.

Time Between Us by Tamara Ireland Stone

It's 1995 and Anna Greene lives in Evanston, Illinois with her mother who is a nurse and father who owns a bookstore. Anna would love to travel but her family doesn't have the money.

The novel opens in March, 1995 with  16 year old Anna running on the track at Northwestern University where she first sees Bennett Cooper sitting in the bleachers. When he suddenly disappears, Anna goes to investigate and discovers that there are no footprints in the snow.  But when mysteriously Bennett shows up the same day in her Spanish class, Anna is shocked. However, strangely enough, Bennett doesn't seem to recognize her, even though he smiled at Anna when she was running. At lunch Anna tells her best friends, Emma Atkins and Danielle, about her strange experience at the track. They decide to bring Bennett to their table where he expresses disbelief and recognition at her name, but claims not to have been at the university track that morning.

Then Anna meets Bennett again in the park across from her house, in pain and struggling to breathe. When she leaves him to go get water at a nearby coffeehouse, she finds him gone upon her return.

When he doesn't show that week for classes, Anna's friend Emma manages to get his address. He lives with his grandmother, Maggie, not far from Anna's family's store. Anna's visit to Bennett's home only creates more questions about who he is and what is wrong with him.

Everything changes however, the night Anna's family's bookstore gets robbed. Bennett who is with Anna when the robbery takes place, intervenes and time travels with her in order to save her, thus revealing to her something of his secret. When Anna asks him for an explanation, Bennett tells her that there are three parts to his secret which he will reveal to her in time.

*spoilers***

Bennett gradually fills Anna in on his abilities. He can travel from one location to another in the same time, and he can also travel within in his own lifetime, meaning he can't go back in time before he was born nor can he travel to the future outside of 2012.  Anna soon pieces together more of Bennett's secret: in her year, 1995,  he is a baby living in San Francisco. Bennett is from her future, 2012 where he is seventeen and she is thirty. This means that in April of 1995, there are two Bennetts; one in San Francisco and one who is 17 years old with Anna in Evanston, Illinois. This leads Anna to question how there can be two Bennetts in 1995. He tells her that if he is in the same place at the same time, the younger version disappears

At first Anna is very accepting of this partly because she has already begun to crush on Bennett, but also because Anna has a deep desire to travel. She has a map up in her father's store which she plans to mark all the places in the world she visits.Her desire to leave Evanston and experience the wider world lead her to be a part of Bennett's strange existence. However, when Bennett begins to reveal more about his abilities, Anna struggles. Bennett tells her "I don't ever stay."

However, Bennett's third secret is much more serious. While Bennett and his sister Brooke travel back to a concert in 1994, which was before Bennett was born, he gets kicked back to his correct time, leaving Brooke stranded in 1994. This is the reason for Bennett returning to Evanston - to find Brooke and return with her.

As Bennett and Anna spend more time together their relationship blossoms into a full blown romance. But in the middle of their romance is the strange reality that Anna is sixteen years older than Bennett and that he doesn't really belong in this time. Bennett explains to Anna that he is careful not to cause many changes in the time he visits because even small changes can have a "butterfly effect".  However, when a major crisis strikes, both Anna and Bennett must decide just how much effect they are willing to have on their own lives and on others to stay together in this time.

Stone has written a lovely time-travel romance that effectively draws her readers into the novel from the very beginning. The hook is two-pronged; a puzzling prologue dated October 2011 and the mysterious appearance of Bennett Cooper at the track sixteen years earlier in March 1995.The mystery surrounding Bennett's abilities are gradually revealed as are the implications of his actions with regard to Anna and those around her.

To the author's credit, the details surrounding Bennett's ability to time travel were reasonably simple and therefore, did not overwhelm the storyline. The main plot is the love story between Bennett and Anna, with the twist that they exist in two different times. The subplot of Bennett's sister, Brooke, was never really developed but was used by the author to create the climax of the novel. It would have been interesting though to have found out how Brooke made it back home and what had happened to her.

There isn't a great deal of character development in the novel. Anna and Bennett are the two major characters who are for the most part believable and well drawn. Their relationship with one another is touching. Anna values honesty and so does Bennett but when Anna finds out that Bennett has been hiding something from her to protect her, she calls him out on it. She tells him that she doesn't want to be protected, that she needs to make her own choices in her life. 

What I didn't like about this novel was the ending - the reappearance of Bennett Cooper. This is a novel about choosing your own path in life and I feel that Anna at the end was doing that. She decided that Bennett leaving was sad but that there were other options and that she needed to grab onto to those instead of waiting and hoping that he would someday return. That was the positive message reinforced by her decision to do things differently the second time around. She chooses this because she learns from Bennett that the choice she made the first time didn't work out for her. Bennett knew what his appearance in Anna's life in 1995 did to her - he knew the positive effects but he also knew that overall he had a negative effect on her life. Yet he still returns because he believes he make this work. I felt that regardless of the outcome, his was a very selfish choice. His presence in a time he is not supposed to be in will still have the potential of unimaginable repercussions for everyone. For example, it's obvious that Justin loves Anna, yet with Bennett in the picture, will Anna ever give him that chance? Left alone in their own time, Anna and Justin might have become a couple.

The ending leaves us with many questions such as how did Bennett manage to come back, and how can he stay in 1995? Hopefully,  these will be answered in the sequel, Time After Time, which will be published in October, 2013. I like most readers, can't wait to see where Stone takes her story of Anna and Bennett.

Book Details:
Time Between Us by Tamara Ireland Stone
New York: Hyperion Books    2012
368 pp.

While He Was Away by Karen Schreck

 "One year -- he'll be going for one year and then we'll be together again and everything will be back to the way it should be."

 Penelope (Penna) Weaver and David O'Dell are sweethearts living in Killdeer, Oklahoma. The two met last year, when David was a senior and Penna a junior and new to the local high school. Now David is off to Iraq while Penna finishes high school. 

While He Was Away tells the story of how Penna copes with her boyfriend going off to war for a year. Layered throughout this main storyline is the story of Penna struggling to unearth her family's hidden past. 

Penna and her mother Linda moved back to Killdeer, where her mother took over The Red Earth, the family restaurant left to her by her estranged father when he died. She also inherited the family home. When Penna and her mother go into the attic to rescue a stray killdeer, they find an envelope containing a black and white photograph and a letter. The photograph is of her grandmother, Justine Blue, when she was eighteen-years-old. The letter is from Justine's husband, Owen Delmore, who was serving overseas in 1945. He never returned from World War II. The photograph elicits strong emotions from Penna's mother, but her anger and stonewalling only make Penna more determined to find out about this mysterious woman from her family's past and why her mother hates her so much.

Gradually, the story of Justine's life and why her daughter, Linda wants nothing to do with her and will not forgive her is revealed. Linda's life has been hard because of the choices her parents have made and the choices she's made too.  Despite Linda's pain, Penna becomes determined to find her grandmother and through a series of quirky coincidences soon learns that she has returned to Killdeer. Her grandmother, now elderly, is frail and suffering from Alzheimer's. Penna meets Justine, against her mother's wishes, in order to learn more about her family's roots. She feels a bond with her grandmother because like her grandmother at age eighteen, they both had to wait for a man they love to come home from war. From this meeting Penna decides that she needs to bring Justine and Linda together, in an attempt to heal the rift between them before it's too late.

Meanwhile for Penna and David things are changing. Neither of them is the same person they were when David went to war just a few short months ago. Penna is becoming more mature and responsible by working at the restaurant, saving for college and learning to deal with David's absence.

David changes too, but not in a positive way. Penna sees that he has lost weight and that he is deeply affected by the plight of the children in the orphanage in Iraq. He is also upset at how the war is affecting those connected to the soldiers. He becomes fearful of loving as he sees how the war destroys relationships of other soldiers in his unit. While Penna hoped he could hold on, the realities of war push them apart and David is no longer able to cope with the ever present possibility of losing someone you care deeply for. He acts to protect himself, doing the very thing he is afraid of.

For Penna this loss is similar to the loss Justine experienced almost 60 years ago. Life must go on and she must learn to cope until David comes back, if he comes back. To that end her friends and her newly connected family help her.

Discussion

In the novel, While He Was Away, author Karen Schreck tackles the effect of war on the families of those who serve. This is accomplished through the intergenerational story of Justine and Penna, both of whom had similar experiences when they were eighteen. Like her grandmother Justine, Penna loves her soldier-boyfriend very much. However, often the circumstances are beyond our control; often war comes between two people in one way or another. Schreck effectively shows that couples separated by war today experience the same difficulties as those in previous wars. Penna struggles to rebuild her life after David, just as Justine struggled to cope and rebuild her life after losing her first love.

Justine and Owen's story mirrors that of the author's mother whose first husband, Orville, went to war in 1944-45 and who died a hero. Her mother was so heartbroken, she spent months writing letters to him after his death and playing Chopin. Eventually her mother left to study music in Chicago where she met the author's father and eventually remarried. Seventeen years passed between her first husband's death and the birth of the author, Karen. But while Schreck's mother was able to use her loss as a catalyst for living again, Penna's grandmother was unable to. She was unable to accept the loss of her first love, and eventually abandoned her second marriage and her young daughter, a decision she deeply regrets.

While He Was Away will probably pleasantly surprise most readers who expect just a love story, but this novel is much more. It is a nuanced recounting of love, loyalty, loss, forgiveness and healing across three generations. It is a poignant reminder of the far reaching effects of war, on those who serve and those who love them - effects which often even time can't heal.  The only weakness in the novel is that at times, it was difficult to piece together Penna's family history because it is told in parts throughout the novel and because there are many minor storylines too. But Schreck eventually weaves together the narrative in a satisfying manner. The author has included a section on tips on how to be an army girlfriend.

Hopefully Karen Schreck will consider writing a sequel to this novel, letting readers know what happens to Penna and David when he returns from the war in Iraq. Readers will be rooting for Penna and David.

Book Details:
While He Was Away by Karen Schreck
Naperville, Ill. : Sourcebooks Fire        2012
249 pp.

how to save a life by Sara Zarr

When someone lives a certain kind of life all the time, it's hard to describe to them what it looks and feels like to someone who lives a certain other kind of life.

How to save a life is another great book by Sarah Zarr that deals in an unusual way with two teenagers trying to cope with difficult circumstances in life. The novel is written in the alternating voices of two teenage girls whose lives are very different. 

Jill MacSweeney is struggling to come to terms with the death of her father with whom she was very close. Jill who lives with her mother, Robin, is in her last year of high school.  Her mother has decided to adopt a baby. This was something she and Jill's father had often discussed and Robin feels that this is the time. She posts her intention online and receives a response from a girl in Omaha. Robin then takes the unusual step of inviting this teen to spend the final weeks of her pregnancy at her home in Denver, where they will arrange an open adoption.

Pregnant, nineteen-year-old Mandy Kalinowski is on her way from Omaha Nebraska to Denver Colorado. On the train she encounters thirty-eight-year old Alex Pena who initially refuses to provide his last name but does tell her he is married. He's travelling to Salt Lake for his sister's wedding. 

Waiting to meet Mandy at the station are Jill McSweeney and her mother Robin who has decided to adopt a baby. After connecting online via e-mail, Robin agrees to adopt Mandy's baby and pays for her trip to Denver. When Mandy arrives at the McSweeney house, it looks like a mansion to her, "...a house you see on a TV show."

 the pregnant teen who lives in Omaha with her mother and her mother's boyfriend, Kent. Mandy is determined to give her baby a chance at the life she never had living with her mother and her numerous boyfriends. When Mandy sees Robin's request online of offering to adopt a baby she responds and they strike a deal. She will give Robin her baby and move on with her life. Mandy tells Robin only what she needs to know and not all the specifics of her situation.

Discussion

The character of Mandy Madison Kalinowski is gradually revealed through the story. She is a young woman who seems desperate for love. On the train trip to Denver, she immediately latches onto a much older man, Alex Pena who is on his way to a wedding. Pena is married and completely uninterested but who is honorable and kind to Mandy, even helping her with her bags as she leaves the train. However, onec at Jill and Robin's home it is revealed that she's removed the address sticker from Alex's magazine and plans to write him. "When will you be coming through Denver again? I'll write. We can meet for coffee. I have to keep thinking of my future."

Both girls judge each on their appearances. Jill notes Mandy's dress, "...a pastel flowered thing the likes of which I've neither worn nor seen since fourth grade." Jill thinks Mandy is a "weirdo" and that she seems to be sheltered and not have any reservations about "inappropriate curiosity". Mandy judges Jill based on how she looks "...with an electric-blue streak in her brown-black hair, and that eyebrow ring, and dark, chipped nail polish. She doesn't take care of herself or understand the importance of first impressions."

interesting use of the phrase "pregnant people" Note: ONLY women can get pregnant and as a result it's common to refer to them as "pregnant women".

How To Save a Life opens with Mandy traveling by train to meet up with Robin and Jill in Denver. It is apparent from the beginning that Mandy is a very needy person who is in search of a father figure, especially when she tries to connect with a much older man sitting next to her on the train. In fact, when he leaves to go to the bathroom she manages to copy his mailing address down, despite the fact that this fellow has made it clear to her that he's not interested. After Mandy arrives in Denver and settles in with Robin and Jill, they learn that she is not as far along in the pregnancy as she indicated. The reader gradually begins to suspect that Mandy has been living under less than ideal circumstances at home and soon learns the reality of her situation, although that is not known to Jill and Robin until much later in the novel.

The relationship between Jill and Mandy in the novel is complicated. Neither of them are likable characters but as Zarr develops her characters, they grow and mature and more positive attributes are revealed. Jill is a bit goth, rebellious and judgmental. She lives the life of an upper class kid, somewhat spoiled and she is angry at her mother for bringing this strange girl into their lives, at a time when she is struggling to cope with her dad's death. In the overwhelming and unacknowledged pain of her loss, Jill strikes out against those who love her, alienating her friends and her on-again, off-again boyfriend, Dylan, alike.

When Ravi Desai, loss prevention associate, shows up at Margins, the store where Jill works, she is unexpectedly attracted to him. Jill's bad behaviour is unsuccessful in alienating Ravi, whose sensitive nature allows him to connect with her. He helps Jill understand that she has changed since her father's death. Because he didn't know the old Jill who existed when her father was alive, he is more readily accepting of the person she is now. He believes that she is a good person, even when Jill hates herself and how she is so mean to everyone around her, especially Mandy. Ravi recognizes that Jill's behaviour has its source in her grief and pain over the loss of her father.

Mandy, on the other hand, is afraid of Jill, but is much stronger emotionally than she appears. Mandy has come to Denver with a plan, and that is to save her baby's life and make sure it is a life that is happy and secure. As she lives with Robin and Jill, she comes to realize that her baby will not want for anything but will not have her mother. Unknown to Jill and Robin, Mandy's feelings about the baby begin to change as she nears her delivery date, thus adding another dimension of suspense to the novel. But Mandy has no plan for herself after the birth of her baby. She has no idea what will become of her or where she will go.

As the novel progresses, the relationship between all the characters in the book work towards a resolution that is both unique, warm and hopeful. For example, Dylan helps Jill understand something about Mandy that allows her to change Mandy's life in a fantastic way while Ravi offers Jill the possibility of a future. "I want to start again. Not necessarily in a relationship but for myself. I want to start again with me, as the me I've become without Dad here. Good and bad and all of it."

In the end, Jill offers Mandy what they both want - something different from what they both have now. For Mandy, it means saving not only her baby's life but hers as well. For Jill, saving Mandy means moving forward after her dad's death.

How To Save a Life deals with themes of friendship, loss, and identity.

Book Details:
How to Save A Life by Sarah Zarr
New York: Little, Brown and Company 2011
341 pp.

Where She Went by Gayle Forman

Adam and Mia were high school sweethearts, each with a big dream; he to be a rock star, and she to be a concert cellist. In her senior year of high school, Mia's family experiences a devastating tragedy that alters her life forever. Adam is there for her each and every day and helps her through the physical and emotional pain. However, when Mia achieves her dream of admission to Julliard and is able to leave to study in New York things change drastically. Inexplicably, she dumps Adam who, unable to understand what is happening, crashes emotionally.

Now three years later, Adam, a famous rocker who is part of the band Shooting Star, is on the verge of a breakdown. He takes pills to control his anxiety attacks, has the shakes and feels like he caught up in a vortex. The songs that made him famous came out of the emotional devastation of his break-up with Mia.

While on a brief lay-over in New York City before flying to London to begin a 67 night tour, Adam walks into Mia's concert at Carnegie Hall. It is an impulsive act for Adam who is struggling to cope with the stress of fame and who still can't forget Mia. As it turns out, his presence has not gone unnoticed and eventually he and Mia reconnect immediately after the concert when Mia has him brought to her dressing room.

My first impulse is not to grab her or kiss her or yell at her. I simply want to touch her cheek, still flushed from the night's performance. I want to cut through the space that separates us, measured in feet...I want to touch her to make sure it's really her, not one of those dreams I had so often after she left....
But I can't touch her. This is a privilege that's been revoked. Against my will, but still.

Mia, on the verge of stardom in the classical world, offers to show Adam around her favourite locations in New York City. Interspersed with a description of events of this one evening are Adam's introspective flashbacks on his life during the past three years.

Told in the voice of character Adam Wilde, the past reveals information about his relationship with Mia and his path to fame, while Mia finally reveals to Adam the real reasons for their break-up. It is this discussion that finally helps Adam come to some understanding of what happened but also helps Mia realize what she did to Adam. Having come to terms with their past, Adam and Mia see each other in a new way, a way which offers healing, and perhaps new possibilities.
Forman is able to eloquently capture both the pain and angst Adam has experienced and still is experiencing from his break-up with Mia. In Adam, Gayle Forman creates a sensitive,lovable character to whom the reader is most empathetic. We feel his pain and his sense of betrayal from his relationship with Mia. The author does an excellent job portraying how difficult it must be to retain one's identity in the face of sudden fame. Adam is basically a good guy who laments not only losing the love of his life, Mia, but also losing parts of himself as a result of living the life of a world famous rocker. He has a sense of shame that somehow he hasn't measured up, because he's given up and he's been hurting so much.

When I started reading this book (which was recommended to me by my daughters) I didn't realize it was the sequel to If I Stay. Where She Went can be read as a separate novel, which is what I did and it loses nothing in the process. I now plan to go back and read If I Stay. However, since If I Stay is told in Mia's voice, those who have read the first book will have a better understanding of this couple because the character of Mia is the focus of the first book.

I loved Where She Went. I wanted to see Adam through his pain and I wanted him to achieve some kind of resolution that would allow him to move on. I believe many readers will be able to identify with him, whether they be teens or adults, men or women. Gayle Forman has done a remarkable job of capturing how a relationship can be hijacked by life's events in an honest and heartrending way.

Book Details:
Where She Went by Gayle Forman
New York: Dutton Books 2011
260 pp.

Girl, Stolen by April Henry

Lying in the back seat, Cheyenne is sick and waiting for her stepmother to pick up a prescription at the pharmacy. Her stepmom has left the car keys in case she gets cold. Covered up with a blanket, Cheyenne hears someone enter the car and start it up, racing out of the parking lot. From the way the person is driving she knows this is not her stepmom. Who is this person and what is happening? Cheyenne doesn't know because she's blind.
Griffin is a young man a few years older than Cheyenne. He lives with his dad Roy who runs a chop shop. Griffin's mom use to be around until he was seriously burned in an accident when she mysteriously left to go live with her family. When Griffin sees the Cadillac Escalade SUV with the keys in, he knows he just has to take it. He wasn't there to steal cars, only Christmas packages from the cars at the mall. How could he be so stupid not "to see past the keys dangling in the ignition." Now he has a bigger problem on his hands - a blind girl in the backseat. He can't just let her go. The cops will find him too quickly.
So Griffin takes her back to his dad's house and shop. Griffin wants to let Cheyenne go, but when his father learns that she is Cheyenne Wilder, the daughter of the president of Nike, he is determined to ransom millions from him.

But things turn ugly quickly and both Griffin and Cheyenne must make difficult choices. Will Griffin help Cheyenne escape? Can Cheyenne trust Griffin to protect her from Roy and his men?

April Henry's book is another twist on the kidnapped girl theme that is currently very popular in YA fiction. It follows books like Stolen (Lucy Christopher), Living Dead Girl (Elizabeth Scott) and The missing girl (Norma Fox Mazer).

In Henry's tale, there is the added tension of not knowing just where Griffin's loyalties lie. Griffin is portrayed as a basically good kid caught in bad circumstances. He is a thief but Henry shows us that he does have some redeeming qualities. He seems to want to do the right thing but is terrified of his father. He develops a growing attraction to Cheyenne whose helplessness and illness seems to bring out the protector instinct in Griffin. When Griffin gradually comes to the realization of what his father is planning to do, he realizes the situation has escalated far beyond auto theft.

The twist at the end seems highly implausible. But Henry leaves it open to the reader's interpretation. Told from both Cheyenne and Griffins perspective, Girl Stolen is an enjoyable, suspenseful read!

Book Details:
Girl, Stolen. A novel by April Henry
New York: Henry Holt & Company 2010
213 pp

Girl, Stolen